LETHEAREN

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Meltdown

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Time to ramble and rant. I've been true and faithful to this Spark thing since the beginning of June... three solid weeks. But now I'm having trouble keeping on the bandwagon.

Since this weekend, I don't think I've been able to stay on track once. I've been going horribly under my calorie goals (like half)just about every day. It's about time for this year's batch of depression to kick in, and it's kicking like a mule. Which means no appetite. But that bottle of Jameson is starting to look mighty friendly...

In my fridge right now, there is half a very yummy cheesecake and some creme brulee, all of which I made for friends this weekend but somehow got stuck with. I don't want to eat any of it, but it's comforting that it's there for some reason. But I don't want it to go bad, and I'm running out of people to give it to.

I've got about 4 big projects I've been given to work on (in addition to several smaller ones). Major updates are due in two days, and I'm only about halfway through them. My new boss is in town (he's usually in KY); first I've met him, but he seems cool enough. My mid-year self appraisal is due on Friday, too, and I have even started that yet!

My drag racing team is falling apart. I've got a meeting tomorrow to try to figure out where we're going, or if we're just going to disband.

I've missed almost a solid week of exercise. I finally made it back today, and I could barely lift what I was lifting last week. Even without exercising or watching my intake, I still last a pound and a half in the last 3 or 4 days. I'm worried that it was largely muscle weight.

I'm starting a new diet plan next week. Not looking forward to it. It's a low-carb diet, focusing on protein. In theory, by keeping carbs in check with enough protein and strength training I can burn fat and gain muscle. I tried a no-carb diet a while back and it bombed. This is low-carb, not no-carb, so hopefully it'll work better. As much as I love cooking, deep down I'm a meat and potatoes guy, born and raised on simple country food. No more potatoes for me :(

When I moved into my new apartment about a month ago, I found an unsecured wireless network I was able to get on at home. I left my broadband at my house with my ex so she wouldn't have to pay to have service set up in her name yet. As of a couple days ago, that doesn't work any more, and I have to wait two weeks before I can get my cable modem transfered to my apartment.

My ex is really getting to me. One of the things we agreed upon when we broke up was to remain good friends. I've been trying hard to keep that promise, but she seems to not care about it. She's pissed about something, but god only knows what it is; she certainly isn't going to tell me. She wanted to keep our mead-brewing in the house, and I've got to get a new batch started for a friend's wedding as well as check on an old batch, but she won't let me get over there until next week... and I really need this done this week. Every time I talk to her, she's curt, almost to the point of pissy, and usually rude.

Started casting runes again. It's a good meditative tool. Gebo - Inguz - Nauthiz is what I pulled today. Odd combination, but if I interpretted it correctly, it could explain a lot. Basically saying my biological clock is going tic-tic-toc. Given the goings-on of the past year or so, that definitely makes sense.

I'm organiser for a happy-hour for a bunch of 20-somethings in my company. It was an effort to get myself more social. We've never had a very high turn-out, but last night was just me. Pretty disheartening. It was raining pretty hard, so not many people felt up to drinking.

It's still raining today. It has been raining a lot over the past few months. I used to love the rain. It soothed me. Lately, though, I just want to jump in my Z and start slamming through the wet corners at high speed. Unfortunately, my motor is still in pieces, and my pickup doesn't drift none too well.

And I don't get to play tennis today!!!

Did I mention my new friend Mr. Jameson?

I guess I should end on a positive note. Always look on the bright side of life, eh? I'm well on my way to achieving my weight loss goals. I was expecting to be at about 151 by July 1, and I'm already at 150. I don't know my BF%, but I can see my abs trying to poke through every once in a while. I can generally see the lines of where they would be defined if they had any definition. I feel really good for the most part, and I look better than I have in years. I'll soldier on through this and make my goal of 9% body fat by October!
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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