I'm talking about when I didn't care so much about food! What happened? Why did things change?
When I was a high schooler, food just didn't seem to be a thing, you know? I remember going to school with an orange for breakfast (that I'd eat with a Coke from the vending machine). For a short time, my friends and I were into British culture (it's in the screen name!) and had the latest lunch at school (2-2:30). We decided we would be really cool if we had afternoon tea instead of lunch. I mean, we didn't know the first thing about English tea, so I don't know if we children did it "right," but we came to school with our tea and a few small cookies and that's what we ate in the lunchroom.
I used to work the night shift in the summers. One summer, on my first or second day back to graveyard, I had a gnawing feeling that I'd forgotten something. I commented to my coworker, "I feel like I've forgotten something, but I can't think of what it could possibly be."
A few hours later, I remembered and announced to her, "I forgot to eat!"
I don't remember being famished at any point or overly concerned about how long I was going between meals or how little I was eating.
Now, I eat my breakfast at my desk when I get to the office, so I bring two meals to work. I stand in the kitchen and painstakingly add decent amounts of each ingredient, measuring it and judging whether or not it is going to keep me full until my next meal. I worry and pack extra sides to make sure I'm not caught in a hunger death spiral.
What am I so worried about? When did hunger become such a terrible thing that I had to fend it off? Why do I have to ensure that I have enough food?
Moreover, I used to eat breakfast at home before work, and then the last hour before lunch, I wouldn't be able to concentrate, I'd be so hungry. I wasn't going *that* long without food--perhaps longer than one should, but certainly not too, too long. Certainly not as long as I'd go as a student with real things to think about, like, you know, MATH! Now, I just have to worry about filling out forms that I've filled out thousands of times correctly. No thought required! No concentration necessary! Stay calm and be hungry, BeatleTot!
And more importantly, what can I do to get my head back to where I was when I was a carefree and (relevantly) skinny teenager? Obviously, I can never be a teenager again, and I don't think I'd want to, but what can I do to not think about food so much?
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