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Back When I Didn't Care

Saturday, November 12, 2016

I'm talking about when I didn't care so much about food! What happened? Why did things change?

When I was a high schooler, food just didn't seem to be a thing, you know? I remember going to school with an orange for breakfast (that I'd eat with a Coke from the vending machine). For a short time, my friends and I were into British culture (it's in the screen name!) and had the latest lunch at school (2-2:30). We decided we would be really cool if we had afternoon tea instead of lunch. I mean, we didn't know the first thing about English tea, so I don't know if we children did it "right," but we came to school with our tea and a few small cookies and that's what we ate in the lunchroom.

I used to work the night shift in the summers. One summer, on my first or second day back to graveyard, I had a gnawing feeling that I'd forgotten something. I commented to my coworker, "I feel like I've forgotten something, but I can't think of what it could possibly be."

A few hours later, I remembered and announced to her, "I forgot to eat!"

I don't remember being famished at any point or overly concerned about how long I was going between meals or how little I was eating.

Now, I eat my breakfast at my desk when I get to the office, so I bring two meals to work. I stand in the kitchen and painstakingly add decent amounts of each ingredient, measuring it and judging whether or not it is going to keep me full until my next meal. I worry and pack extra sides to make sure I'm not caught in a hunger death spiral.

What am I so worried about? When did hunger become such a terrible thing that I had to fend it off? Why do I have to ensure that I have enough food?

Moreover, I used to eat breakfast at home before work, and then the last hour before lunch, I wouldn't be able to concentrate, I'd be so hungry. I wasn't going *that* long without food--perhaps longer than one should, but certainly not too, too long. Certainly not as long as I'd go as a student with real things to think about, like, you know, MATH! Now, I just have to worry about filling out forms that I've filled out thousands of times correctly. No thought required! No concentration necessary! Stay calm and be hungry, BeatleTot!

And more importantly, what can I do to get my head back to where I was when I was a carefree and (relevantly) skinny teenager? Obviously, I can never be a teenager again, and I don't think I'd want to, but what can I do to not think about food so much?


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Well, BEATLETOT, here's where we're different. I became obsessed with food and dieting at a very early age. I already had problems by the time I was six, for I can remember sneaking slices of bread from the bread box, rolling them into tiny balls, then going either to my room or out to the yard, where I would pop them into my mouth in private. Or I would volunteer to clear the table after a meal so I could stuff down a few extra biscuits in the kitchen between trips into the dining room.

    Forget to eat? I didn't do that until I was in my fifties, when something unusual happened, or my schedule was too full to remember. But truly, I can count on two hands the number of times I've forgotten to eat in my life, and I'll be sixty next month! Ha ha!

    My younger daughter was treated for anorexia and was told to read "Intuitive Eating." I'm sure you've heard of it. I've read parts of it, and it supports WHITNEYLD's comment that "the more we focus on dieting and losing weight, the more food obsessed we become." That certainly seems to have been borne out in my life. Why did I already know what "diet" meant at age six? And now here I am at sixty, still grappling with the same issues!

    1196 days ago
    That is really interesting. I think the longer we focus on dieting and losing weight, the more food obsessed we become. I had gotten to a point where I didn't care so much again. It was at my highest weight! Then I realized I would die that way.
    1196 days ago
    PS I agree that Judith Becks' book The Diet Solution is very useful. It talks among other things, about those same issues of how to endure hunger and cravings.
    1197 days ago
    In treatment for binge eating we were told to eat every 2 to 3 hours (3 meals and 3 snacks). It worked VERY well for me.
    I think that maybe as we get older (and in my case, after a lot of bingeing on sugar) our bodies get more sensitive to the blood sugar level. So eating 'in time' can help to avoid getting strong feelings of hunger.
    I have to add that what helps me is to have a food plan with set amounts of food. So it is not a matter of deciding at every meal and snack how much I should eat. The plan offers me enough calories.
    1197 days ago
    To keep myself from getting my blood sugar unstable I eat small meals every two hours. I also try to keep the carbs low, as they can make a hunger attack just by eating them. emoticon
    1198 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1199 days ago
  • SEAGLASS1215
    Oh my, I could have written this myself -- I never cared about food or my weight when I was was never an issue either way. I could survive on a bagel with butter from 7 AM til noon -- now, I still have that occasionally (and it still does hold me for a long time) but I spend the time after eating it chastising myself - "no protein?! where's the fruit?! empty white bread calories?!"....then I feel guilty and eat something else even though I'm not hungry but by this point I'm stressed and guilty...
    1199 days ago
    I'm with you 100%. I was a skinny teenager with no urgency to my appetite.
    Now I get HUNGRY, and can consume waaaay more calories than I need. Go figure!
    1199 days ago
  • AURA18
    Food was not a priority for me either. Remembering & Visualization helps. Sounds like you and your friends had plenty of good times emoticon
    1199 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/12/2016 11:31:16 PM
    Oh yes, I remember those days of eating when it was convenient and not thinking too much about it. Some days I feel like I've turned into my mother - she was so rigid about eating times and when she said lunch was ready you'd better be there!
    1199 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    1199 days ago
    Have you heard of Judith Beck's books? They've worked wonders for many Sparkers. They're all about our mindset.

    There's even a Beck Team here at Spark People.
    1199 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9556574
    There is no such thing as failure, it’s simply a learning lesson you were brave enough to reach.
    1199 days ago
  • FUNNYFACE101002
    I don't think we ever go back to that mind set. Sorry
    1199 days ago
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