Pushing the Reset Button - Again
Sunday, November 06, 2016
I've been struggling for two weeks, and haven't been able to shake it. I've been wrestling with how to go about losing weight without restricting or over-exercising... I don't want to trigger my eating disorder, but not knowing a way forward has just created mass amounts of anxiety and feeling hopeless, which has, in turn, triggered my eating disorder. Amazing, right? This recovery stuff isn't for the faint of heart.
I decided to delete all of my previous progress and tracking. It's been inconsistent at best. I'm going to make an effort to track again, however it won't be as voracious as it has been previously.
I'm also going to make an effort to start replacing some of my meat protein sources with vegetarian options. For several reasons, really, but among them is that I can't even stomach the thought of one more chicken breast. Serious ick right now. Besides, it's not that hard to replace meat with beans, legumes or faux-meat sources. I've done it before.
Dairy is another thing I'm debating... cutting it out all together is considered restricting under my ED treatment, but I am evaluating seriously limiting my intake. Eliminating dairy was my #1 method to reduce my food cravings, probably because of how much sugar it carries with it. I know it's worked for me previously, and there is value in that. It's not that I have problems with the overt forms of dairy... outside of greek yogurt (and the occasional ice cream), I avoid dairy... but it's the hidden forms, the ones that are already incorporated into the food I purchase, that is the more troublesome for me. Many of the foods I like have traces of dairy (even my favorite chicken burgers) so I have to weigh that out too.
This moderation stuff isn't for wimps. In fact, it completely sucks. Black and white is so much easier in so many ways.
Other than that, I don't have anything exciting to share. I largely feel stuck, but aware. It's been achingly beautiful for being early November in the Twin Cities, so I am going on a walk now. I know the Brooks Ghost 9 shoes I bought weren't the right ones, so I decided to order Brooks Glycerin 14. Here's hoping they will help alleviate the shin splits and the sprained ankles...