I am grasping and yearning for experiences that I think I want...ones that I think I would enjoy.
Rather, wouldn't it be a better outcome to ask God what He wants for me. He always wants something soooo much better than anything I could dream of or plan.
I get caught up in how things look at the moment. Yet only a minuscule amount of data is mine for the observation. I do not see one house away... let alone one street away ....or one neighborhood away.
How then could I possibly know let alone guess what God may be doing in any ONE other person's life and how/when they might cross my path?
People who come into my life always come from places unknown to me previously. They are passengers on this voyage and enter and exit on stops according to God's itinerary. This is not mine to ever get full knowledge of before hand. The amount of people on the face of this earth is unimaginable.
It seems so foolish then to see limitations. Who would ask God to create from within one city block when He has the whole earth to develop from.
Things have been in play for months and years that I know nothing about. People and their circumstances are aligning and converging at meaningful points according to the lessons and experiences that GOD wants to create for each person. If allowed to play out it will be beautiful.
To place demands or selfish shortsighted yearnings onto my itinerary...trying to squeeze them in...well:
That is like being in a foreign country and "EVERYONE" who goes ALWAYS visits " ________ restaurant" for a fantastic meal and experience. So I wake up wanting this and clinging to this and getting upset that the doors will not open for me to get there. There is no opening. I whine and begrudge others to listen to me pout. All the while ignoring the invitation that comes along to go for a ride in the country. I do not want to go to the country. I want the restaurant. I do not want to be distracted. I want the experience that everyone else gets! Poor POOR pitiful lonely, helpless, neglected, pathetic me. Meanwhile my acquaintances continue on into the country with a picnic basket and music. They see sights along the way. They come to a waterfall and hike for a bit. They drive on to the coast and watch the sun go down while dinning on cold delicacies that they have thrown together for the days outing. As they drive back they put the top of the car down to view the sky lit up by a million awe inspiring stars..... and me? I am still back in my room ruminating about how hurt I am that I did not get to enjoy a 45 min meal on one particular day when I just HAD to have it my way because that is what I thought would bring the most joy. REALLY?!!! 45 min one time meal that might be available another time???The whole day wasted in the pain and hurt of self misery and self pity. When I could have had a day long adventure with memories to last an entire lifetime.
But all I thought of is what I could conceive.
All I thought of is the option of what everyone else wanted-- therefore it must be best.
I need to GET...MY...HANDS...off the itinerary!!!
Sure... the restaurant might be great. It might be lovely. It might be what EVERYONE else enjoys.
But do I want MY 45 minute demand or do I want a wonderful day of extraordinary memories?
God alone knows what is best.
Today I will stick to the itinerary as he has planned it. knowing (blindly) that along the way things will be so much more splendid if I allow myself to experience what He wants to show me not try to demand what limits I am aware of.