I don't even know where to begin, but BEGIN I must. (this is just about my weightloss journey, so don't panic that something TERRIBLE has happened to me and mine.)
I'm so ANGRY.
But, ironically, Mrs. Doc is DELIGHTED.
I'M so ANGRYYYYY that I could SPIT!
And guess what this is regarding. Yeah.... the stinkin' SCALE!!! AGAIN!
Okay, so I'm going to walk you through my day, because it's the EMOTIONAL UPS AND DOWNS that we are all relating to.
And then I'll 'GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON' with some positive comments. And a PLEA FOR EMOTIONAL AND MORAL SUPPORT.
Today is my ONE YEAR appointment from the beginning of my CONSISTENCY JOURNEY.
I've been DYING for this appointment since August, when I began making remarkable strides. The swimming, the Fiber.....all that was helping me sooooo much.
I decided to have Hubby take my measurements.
Even though the month of September was focused on my ABS, I actually GAINED inches in my chest (under my arms and around), my bust, my waist, and my hips. !!!!!!!
The two places I THOUGHT would go up, went DOWN! My LEGS and my UPPER ARMS.
I was surprised the arms went down because I've increased my weights to 4 lbs and the muscles are really popping.
* This kind of unpredictably really BREAKS me. I so wish that I can work on something and get the predicted results, but I never seem to do that! It's very FRUSTRATING for me and it really UNSETTLES me. I don't like 'anything goes' scenarios. If I work hard, I expect to see some POSITIVE results.
That began my day.
Well, Hubby and i decided to skip breakfast so that we can compare the doctor's scale to OUR scale. We both weighed ourselves in the full clothing we would wear to the doc's office.
We were both unreasonably nervous. I say 'unreasonably' because that's what People of Fitness Experience would say.
We each KNEW we had something to be PROUD of, but we were STILL SCARED, because you just never know what the doc's scale is going to report.
So MY scale said 211 again, for the 3rd day in a row. Which means I lost 35 pounds.
I'm so sad! The nurse QUICKLY weighed me and, I tell you the truth, I saw it say, 235! TWO. THIRTY. FIVE!!!!!!!!!! Whattt?????? 211 compared to 235.
Now THAT is devastation if there is a definition for it.
I figured and HOPED that I read it wrong. I silently got off the scale, looked at my hubby and made room for HIM to step up.
I just walked away into the examination room and sat down. So dejected. I couldn't think of a reasonable explanation.
Hubby came in and was just as bummed. It weighed him 19 pounds HIGHER than our own scale.
So Mrs. Doc came in and when that subject came up, IMMEDIATELY, I told her that I had thought I had lost about 20 lbs since I was here last (235 was my August 1 wt) and that I just didn't understand how the two scales could possibly be so different!
Remember that on June 3rd I weighed 230 and she was wowed by the fact that I had lost 10lbs in 6 weeks and I flat up didn't believe that? And then, after working my butt off (or so I thought, lol) for a whole month swimming for 2hrs at a time for most days of the weeks of June, I GAINED 8 lbs.
And THAT was when I learned to begin thinking Scientifically- I KNEW with absolute certainty that I had done VERY well that month. I even lost 6 inches.
And then on the Aug 1st appointment, I had only lost 3 more lbs.
Now TWO months have gone by and the scale......GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ARGGGGGHHH!
So she explained that she uses her scale and the office scale on herself and they have always been pretty close.
She took me back to the scale to double check.
This time she got 232.
I was soooooo annoyed. bummed. hurt. disappointed. and about to face reality.
Then she took me to a whole other room and let me try a DIGITAL SCALE they had.
I get on THAT one....hoping hoping hoping.....against hope.
It said 228 or 9.
Do you know how SAD that makes me?
Now the REALITY is (and I'm trying madly to accept this truth) is that I LOST 5 WHOLE POUNDS since I was there last.
And Hubby lost 13.
It's not the DOCTOR'S fault that we were mislead by false numbers.
The DOCTOR said,
"I am sooo glad. My patients are doing well!" (She's a sweet little Eastern Indian woman and has a way with words. ;) )
Funny how SHE could be so DELIGHTED and I was so crushed.
Meanwhile, my BP was like 140something which I consider HIGH for being on meds. So I asked if I should increase my dose. SHE thinks my wt loss will help adjust it down. I guess she has faith in me.
Hubby was able to get off HIS BP meds completely.
The OTHER ironic, unpredictable thing that took place was that his sugar has gone up a bit. Now- he has probably eaten the best he's ever done. And NOW it shows up. He's been getting more EXERCISE...all that. I HATE HATE HATE unpredictability!
So, MRS. Doc is delighted. Susanski is discouraged. Almost. I'm crushed, but not defeated. I'm bruised but not broken.
So I asked her to look through my history and tell me again the weight i was last year at this time. And SHE said it was 252. (I had it written as 246 here on spark. which, yeah...was PROBABLY MY scales reading. sarcastically said).
So now, though MRS. DOC is ecstatic about our accomplishments, in MY mind I'm thinkin',
"HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN ALL THESE NUMBER CHANGES TO MY SPARK PEOPLE?? EVEN MY BEGINNING WEIGHT IS MESSED UP. HOW AM I GOING TO STRAIGHTEN OUT ALL THESE NUMBERS???"
I had THOUGHT I lost 35 pounds in one year.
Instead it is 'only' 22 pounds.
I could cry. And I MIGHT. (the day's not over)
But SHE said, "No no no. This is GOOD. You don't WANT to lose too quickly, because then your skin can't adjust. Losing THIS way, will help your skin keep up with the weight loss. This is good!"
So we go home (me in the passenger's seat ranting and raving and knowing in the back of my mind -in a far corner, covered in cobwebs- that she is right. But it was SUCH a bummer.)
and have to announce it to our kids, who knew we were excited when we left.
Hubby tells the boys to bring up the weights from the workout room and he placed them a couple at a time on the scale to see how badly it was off.
IT WAS EXACT! ALL THE WAY UP TO 90 LBS.
What in the WORLD?????
So even THAT ticked us off.
So the YMCA is only 2 minutes away and we decided to go down there and weigh ourselves since the scale is like the Doc's.
I had an employee help ME, since I'm a newbie at this.
It said, 227+. !!!!!!!!
REALITY HIT. The doc's scale must be accurate. OUR scale must be designed to amuse and abuse.
So instead of being SOOOOO CLOSE to 199 (at 211 lbs) I am now SOOOO FAR AWAY FROM IT that I don't think I can even hit that goal THIS year.
And the same with Hubby's weight. It did the same for him.
I guess what we are to assume is that our home scale is ACCURATE TO A CERTAIN WEIGHT, and then it goes bezerk. ??
Now MEANWHILE, during these two WEIGHING field trips, I get a call from my sister, giving me bad news about my Mom's arm. She had an elbow replacement and when they looked at it today, 4 weeks later, it revealed that she has a Silver Dollar sized HOLE in her elbow! And her BONE is showing. Which requires either a vaccuum attached to her arm for weeks, or for surgery, which my mom is not healthy enough for. So I'm already bummed about my HIGHER MEASUREMENTS, MY MOM'S BAD ARM, AND NOW MY "MIRAGE" OF A WEIGHTLOSS ACHIEVEMENT.
I know that you will cyber-weep with me, because you know how this feels, and I KNOW that you will summon some encouragement to the forefront of your mind, but before you do....think of THIS!!!!!
230 is what I am today, by Doc's scale.
And 230 is what I was on June 3rd, by Doc's scale.
Isn't that HEARTBREAKING WITH BOLD LETTERS AND CAPITALS????
My 11 year old daughter came to my rescue with the Spark Intelligent Comment:
"But Mom, you STILL. HAVE. YOUR. MUSCLES!!!!!!"
That helped me a lot because she analyzed that with her own young brain. And it's TRUE! I AM still building muscles at the same time as burning fat. It's just busy balancing out right now.
and the INCHES gained, are probably explained by muscles being built and reshaping my body.
But STILL!!!!! WHINE.
Okay. I have to shake myself off (or just go take a SHOWER, because this filth of a bad mood is pretty thorough) and I have decided to go back through ALLLLLL MY NUMBERS AND REWORK everything so that ONLY my Doc's scale is recorded here from now on.
(and I'll check in every few days at the YMCA and use THEIR scale to keep me in line.
My NEXT appointment is not until Dec. 13. A really long way away. But THAT appointment will include BLOODWORK, so that oughta be interesting. (I'm not EVEN going to get my hopes up though.)
So, folks, when you see some changes on my page with my tracker and weight loss recordings, that is what is going on.
I'm kinda 'starting fresh!" When I look at it THAT way, I feel better about myself and the whole stink'n situation.
Another thing that bummed me was that THIS pushes back my whole weight loss goal date to over a YEAR AWAY! That makes me sad! But it should be 3 months before I turn 50, so that would be nice.
So for the record.
I began last October 5th at 252. BMI of 43.3.
I am now, as of Oct. 4th 2016, 230. BMI of 39.6
A 22 pound loss.
I set my goal at losing 1.5 pounds a week and my NEW goal date is Nov. 28, 2017
Ultimately, my mid Bmi range goal is 226, but I entered 140 as my goal. Because the lower numbers feel hopeless right now. And 140 is near the high end of the healthy zone for me (110-145).
So, that's all folks. I sorely need back up, encouragement and sympathy. I hope to be back to 'normal' by next Monday's blog.
Be blessed and BE a blessing,
I also want to add that, when I went to the pool today, A sudden joy came over me when I realized that my Swim Challenge had NOTHING TO DO WITH WEIGHT LOSS! But instead focused on LAPS! It was a wonderfully FREEING and EMPOWERING realization. I COULD succeed today! And I did 16 laps instead of just 8. ;) Sparkpeople leaders knew what they were talking about when they say to set challenges that have nothing to do with the scale. THANK YOU, SPARK PEOPLE!
Also, I would like to share that I HAVE NOT CAVED IN to EATING for COMFORT tonight. It REALLY would have been a perfect day for overeating. But, I KNOW , that though LOSING ONLY 5 LBS didn't HURT me, OVEREATING will DEFINITELY sabotage my efforts.
Mama? I'm GROWIN' up. lol