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Why can't I be serious???

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Tuesday, October 04, 2016

I'm driving myself crazy. I want to lose weight, but not enough to actually do something about it apparently. I get lazy and don't blog. I get lazy and don't do food prep. I get lazy and don't exercise. I'm letting life derail me. I've had just about the funnest summer I've had in years (although it would be better if I didn't have to give up Gibson for so much of it, poor guy missed out on a lot). I know why I don't food prep and workout.....I really know why. Because I am glued to my boyfriends side. I love it there and I don't want to leave it. And when I do leave it I have to clean my house because I've been neglecting it. I'm so busy enjoying life that I'm struggling to make time to get healthy. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. It's great that I'm enjoying life, but the truth is I would feel so much better if I would take care of myself. I am the highest weight I have ever been in my life, excluding pregnancy, but only by a few pounds....seriously....6 pounds. I'm at 215. 215!!!! I do not even know what to say to that.

Truthfully. I'm tired of starting over and over and over.....it's getting tiresome. And furthermore I'm disenchanted because I worked so hard at it before to lose all my weight, keep it off for 2 years and then gain it all back because it just wasn't sustainable. I don't know how to make it sustainable. That's the sad truth of it. I enjoyed my workouts...I enjoyed finding ways to eat healthy....but eventually I just got tired of always being "on". Even though I wasn't always perfect I was always "on". I was always thinking about what my next meal would look like. I would miss things because I hadn't exercised yet. I got tired of it. I just wanted to be lazy. 1 day turned into a week and a week turned into a month....etc. Next thing you know I was gaining at a rapid rate. Sad. But it was such a relief to not think about it for a change.

I know I've been in and out of here and not consistent. Truthfully I considered making a new account because I feel like I've been such a let down and a waste and thought I should start over and not annoy you all with my once every 3-12 month posts. I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know if I will post tomorrow. I don't know if I will keep gaining. I just know that I need to get this off my chest.

What has happened to me?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo INCH_BY_INCH
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    571 days ago
  • WHITEANGEL4
    Keep pushing yourself and you will succeed
    622 days ago
  • IMKFOX
    Just saw this today, because I've been off line for a while, working on things round here. But, you're not a waste and we've all had those moments of feeling like we're always "on". You're not alone. You've got to find the balance that works for you and your life. And we're cheering you on as you go!
    627 days ago
  • MRSRIGS1
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    648 days ago
  • WHYTEBROWN
    emoticon I can understand where you're coming from because I've surely felt this way. I honestly don't know what to tell you because I haven't mastered this myself but one thing that I do know is that you just have to emoticon
    650 days ago
  • MARYJEANSL
    I think motivation is the hardest piece of the 'getting healthy' puzzle. It's something I struggle with always. Don't have easy answers, except to urge you to not give up. Keep trying. Things will get better - I really believe that. Best wishes to you!
    651 days ago
  • DONTQUIT32
    I have been where you are, more than once. It's ok to feel the way you are feeling. The fact that you are aware of this issue and are trying fix it is a good thing. You are not giving up on yourself, but this is just a dip in the roller coaster. Keep you chin up. You've got this.


    Be a voice not an echo
    651 days ago
  • RASHELLESKY
    Something will eventually click inside... Don't give up.
    651 days ago
  • AMBER461
    Don't give up just hang in there and take one day at a time. Thanks for sharing.
    652 days ago
  • RAZZOOZLE
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    652 days ago
  • ERICALEAHA
    You are not alone i have come and gone many times. I need to get rid of my diabetes and high blood pressure. I have learning how to use this site. I have found exercises that i like and can do. Have learned to eat more fruit and veggies using different recipes. Put yourself first and if you have a family this will help them also. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    652 days ago
  • MARYM1962
    glad you have the boyfriend - he can help you stay motivated. He might actually enjoy activities with you - you don't have to do EXERCISE to be active and burn off those calories - exercise if more for toning up - when I was over 200 just being active would trigger the weight loss and exercise came later after a 20 to 30 pound weight loss. Eating healthy is also important - you don't like food prep? - spend a little more at the store and the the prechopped stuff..... I enjoy cooking and food prep, but there are a lot of people who do not and the prechopped veggies and meats are ideal for that - get the fresh ones! Good luck!
    652 days ago
  • ARCHIEFIT
    Your feelings and attitude sounds like me several years ago when I gave up worrying about eating habits and exercising. Frankly I'll admit that to something you're not supposed to say. I LOVED BEING FAT. I didn't have a problem with it. I was always able to get around, didn't have to do anything I couldn't do before, I just really liked being big and eating what I want when I wanted and I really loved not exercising. (Gee, I'm beginning to talk myself back into it again.) But when I was told my blood sugar was now up so high I needed to see a diabetic Dr. I woke up. I didn't go to the Dr. BUT I know that losing weight should bring down the danger levels of blood sugar, esp. when combined with exercise. So now I walk everyday for a 1/2 hour and track what I eat everyday here (if you're not doing that, I'd advise it, it lets you know whether or not you're eating too much or even if you're not eating enough). I don't blog but I do track my eating and exercise everyday and review the calorie/carb/protein count at the end of each day. This way I know as long as I'm eating under what the chart tells me and I'm keeping up my exercise there just has to be a positive outcome sooner or later. So I'd only tell you to remind yourself that your being healthy for one reason, for you. It's important for your own health's sake to snap back in charge of your habits and live healthy again. Good luck to you, you can do it, like me you just have to want to.
    653 days ago
  • STARSUB99
    You just arent ready to put yourself first. Ive done the same thing over and over.. the good part is you are thinking about it. Next comes action. It takes many tries to lose and keep it off. Keep trying....you can get there.
    653 days ago
  • LIVELYGIRL2
    I have heard what your saying lots of times. That shows that your feelings are common. I do think we ( most of us), make all sorts of things our priority. Like our kids, boyfriends, spouses... work, and all the endless responsibilities.I get it, that one loses weight and then gets tired of thinking of plans , exercise, food, all the time. We want to just do what we want,and eat what we want at events. However, after watching ones I love get serious health problems.... I thought to myself...

    is it really an option anymore// or something you do as a lifestyle( such a brushing ones teeth and washing your face. ? ). I see what happens from days, months, decades, or certain habits.

    If we prepare ourselves by doing weight training, doing balance exercises, vitamins , being active...keeping our weight in line, we might have more energy and quality of life.

    Wishing you the very best! emoticon
    653 days ago
  • JUNETTA2002
    You can do it.
    653 days ago
  • SKIRUNNER1
    Don't "start over". Just choose one thing to work on and focus on that for the next 10 days. Maybe just log your food each day. That's all, don't try to do anything else. During that time, read Spark articles and decide what to do next. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. Oh no, it's not. It's a life, yours, and it's worth taking it slowly. That tends to last longer! emoticon
    653 days ago
  • QUARTERMASTER3
    Keep it up , we all have highs and lows, good and bad moments,keep your head and push ahead and lean on ffamily and friends.
    653 days ago
  • KITTYHAWK1949
    keep trying. you'll make it when you are ready. it is hard work but the benefits are huge to be healthy.
    653 days ago
  • no profile photo NONNAOF2
    I used to feel the same way until a health problem in my extended family scared me half to death and I realized I needed to become serious about getting the weight off, it took me several years of losing weight very slowly, but I finally reached my goal earlier this year. Remember, you are very important and only you can make those decisions about your health and be in the right mind set, no one else can do it for you. It reallly helps to have your Spark friends to help you along the way and to encourage you. You most certainly are worth it, maybe your boyfriend can support you in your journey or even join you! :-)
    653 days ago
  • GATINA18
    I have lost the same 20lbs twice and gained it all back again 3 times. This time i'm so frustrated because I can't seem to loose it again. I understand how you feel. I will make this journey with you. Just stick with it. We've done it before and i'm sure we can figure it out again. emoticon emoticon
    653 days ago
  • FRAN0426
    Hang in, keep restarting until it works. We are all human and make mistakes whether it is losing weight, or anything we want to change in out life. Wishing you all the best in continuing your life changing journey. Remember one day at a time, if you blow one day, that is just one day and get back on track.
    653 days ago
  • MSROZZIE
    emoticon emoticon emoticon Remember, YOU are worth the effort! You will find that Spark emoticon again!
    653 days ago
  • HIGHLIGHTMEBLUE
    Girl, I wish I could give you some advice on what to do but there are days I feel the EXACT same way. I have been stuck at 206 lbs for several months now with no change in sight. All I can do is give you (and myself) encouragement that at some point we will change our mindset and head in the right direction again and yes...we can and will do it!!
    653 days ago
  • SHOAPIE
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    653 days ago
  • WOOFERCOALBOY
    Because not working out, not logging food is _comfortable_. Weight loss is work, & I don't enjoy working at something I don't like. But health problems make us choose between being comfortable and living longer, in getting past the neglected issues that cause us physical and emotional pain, and hurt our families and friends who would be upset when we are seriously ill or dying from the effects of our neglect of self-care.
    653 days ago
  • KACEYSW
    The last time I checked, we are all human. Forgive yourself. Beating yourself up of weak moments only serves to cause more weak moments. Each new minute affords us another opportunity to do the positive, healthy things we want and deserve to feel happy, whole, and free.
    653 days ago
  • BLESSEDMIRANDA
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    653 days ago
  • LIZMVR
    I have the same thoughts and feelings. I think that when it really becomes a sustainable habit, we won't have to be "on" all the time, but I haven't really been there either. What do you and your boyfriend do together? Could you be more active with him? Is he encouraging of your quest to be healthier?
    653 days ago
  • SNSHYNE37
    Reading your blog was like reading my own mind. I've been there (heck still struggling to get things together). My advise for you is this.....
    Take it day by day. Don't try to change everything at once. Slowly increase your activity (if you do 4,000 steps per day, try for 4,500 for a couple days, then 5,000 etc). Get your boyfriend to join in on the fitness (evening walks, etc)....I know from my own experience that can be much easier said than done, but it's worth a try. And I highly recommend an accountability buddy. Find someone who will text you if they see you haven't been on here (just to check on things). It helps to know someone is cheering you on.
    emoticon emoticon
    653 days ago
  • FANCYBEANIE
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    653 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/6/2016 9:10:02 AM
  • FANCYBEANIE
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    653 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/6/2016 9:10:02 AM
  • DEKATE99
    Do not give up. KEEP AT IT. emoticon
    653 days ago
  • ONMYWAY1949
    Thank you for your blog. You're in a place that more of us than you can imagine have been!! You just have enough courage to state it publicly. Try to remember the good feeling you have AFTER your workout, AFTER your healthy meal, AFTER an evening of not snacking. Those remembered feelings may help you stay the course. Also, if you try modifying the foods you really crave to healthier versions you won't feel so deprived. I do know what your mean about being "on" all the time. Some advanced planning does help those times when you want to just eat and not think.
    You can do this. We can ALL do this. It's just a long, slow process. Keep coming back here for the support you need. DO NOT at any time feel like you should stop talking to us. This is exactly why SparkPeople is such a good and tight knit community.
    653 days ago
  • STEVIEBEE569
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    653 days ago
  • PENOWOK
    You just need to make the decision and get it done. WE are all here on your side...
    653 days ago
  • MARYJOANNA
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    653 days ago
  • TERESAJOY56
    I have faith you can do it again. Never, Never, Never give up on yourself.
    654 days ago
  • NGAWHETU
    There are three kinds of people in the world, the wills, the won'ts and the can'ts. The first accomplish everything; the second oppose everything; the third fail in everything.
    654 days ago
  • JUNETTA2002
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    654 days ago
  • MRSFANCYLADY
    I feel you! I do! I do! Been there and done THAT!

    Consider including your boyfriend in your efforts.... everyone needs to workout - whether to lose weight or just get the heart rate up sometime. That way, you guys are together and accomplishing one of your goals. Give it a try. Try it for a week, then include him in something else - maybe your food prep - he can slice or pack.... whatever it takes to include him. You can do it - you are so worth it. Just my $.02!
    654 days ago
  • MARTHA324
    We've all been there! For years I knew that I should be eating better and moving more and I"d do it for few days/weeks then stop. It always seemed to me that I was being punished for having to do this.....poor me! Everyone else could be thin without watching what they ate......you know what? That's not true.

    It was a mind shift that finally worked for me. Focusing on getting healthier and not viewing this as a diet was the "ah ha" moment. Figure out ONE thing you can do this week that will be a healthier change and do it. When that is a habit add another thing. Let all these small changes add up and think about how much you are doing for YOU.

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    654 days ago
  • LVNKNIT
    Don't beat yourself up - you are sharing your concerns. Maybe pick yourself back up, and get going. Don't focus on the "again" (says the pot calling the kettle black) and think in terms of a brand new start. I can relate, if you need a buddy - I know I need to be held accountable, and someone to share with on this journey that I just started (again).

    For me it was recupping from knee surger and dragging myself with crutches or walker that was a MAJOR wake up call. That and numbers tettering at pre-diabetic levels.... I am using part of my recovery time to read and record and research.

    hang in there!!! emoticon
    654 days ago
  • CHAQUITA73
    You are human! I could have written this blog myself. I know that's no comfort, but hang in there! Take one day at a time.

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    654 days ago
  • KIISLANDFAN
    Life has its ups and downs. I too lost 50+ pounds and over 2-1/2years gained 30 back. But I have never given up the fight. This time I'm adding exercise. It's s life style change...I'm exercising so I can still eat the overindulgent foods.KEEP Going!
    654 days ago
  • LAURAANN28
    Each Day Better! Small changes to small steps in the right direction.
    654 days ago
  • TZAPP22
    Oh we have all been there to some degree, dust yourself off and start over. and if someone feels like you've let them down, well that's their problem and has nothing to do with you.. one day at time, it'll come back to you!

    654 days ago
  • PHHHISC
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    654 days ago
  • SPARKKITTY2016
    We've all been there. And your raw authenticity takes us back to that truth.! You are special. Keep at it. One day at a time. One tiny goal a day. Something to smile and be proud of and keep going!!
    Keep at it.
    Keep sharing with us!
    You are refreshing!
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    654 days ago
  • THINNERME2009
    There you are!! We've missed you!! You are not alone in this life challenge and if it was easy then there wouldn't be a Sparkpeople!! It's hard and it's a full time job!! We all know you can do it and know you WILL succeed again. You've got this!!
    654 days ago
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