Why can't I be serious???
Tuesday, October 04, 2016
I'm driving myself crazy. I want to lose weight, but not enough to actually do something about it apparently. I get lazy and don't blog. I get lazy and don't do food prep. I get lazy and don't exercise. I'm letting life derail me. I've had just about the funnest summer I've had in years (although it would be better if I didn't have to give up Gibson for so much of it, poor guy missed out on a lot). I know why I don't food prep and workout.....I really know why. Because I am glued to my boyfriends side. I love it there and I don't want to leave it. And when I do leave it I have to clean my house because I've been neglecting it. I'm so busy enjoying life that I'm struggling to make time to get healthy. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. It's great that I'm enjoying life, but the truth is I would feel so much better if I would take care of myself. I am the highest weight I have ever been in my life, excluding pregnancy, but only by a few pounds....seriously....6 pounds. I'm at 215. 215!!!! I do not even know what to say to that.
Truthfully. I'm tired of starting over and over and over.....it's getting tiresome. And furthermore I'm disenchanted because I worked so hard at it before to lose all my weight, keep it off for 2 years and then gain it all back because it just wasn't sustainable. I don't know how to make it sustainable. That's the sad truth of it. I enjoyed my workouts...I enjoyed finding ways to eat healthy....but eventually I just got tired of always being "on". Even though I wasn't always perfect I was always "on". I was always thinking about what my next meal would look like. I would miss things because I hadn't exercised yet. I got tired of it. I just wanted to be lazy. 1 day turned into a week and a week turned into a month....etc. Next thing you know I was gaining at a rapid rate. Sad. But it was such a relief to not think about it for a change.
I know I've been in and out of here and not consistent. Truthfully I considered making a new account because I feel like I've been such a let down and a waste and thought I should start over and not annoy you all with my once every 3-12 month posts. I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know if I will post tomorrow. I don't know if I will keep gaining. I just know that I need to get this off my chest.
What has happened to me?