Death of a friendship
Saturday, September 10, 2016
Excuse the errors, this was typed on a mobile device.
When I was in middle school, I met a girl who was nice and kind. She is a little different than most of us. I will talk about why later on in the blog.
We became friends and had late night chats. We had both been bullied and we had the same career goal so we clicked.
As time went on, we grew apart. I never really was invited to spend time with her outside of school. She was always "busy" or "super busy." We still spoke on the phone a lot. Then we got into an argument. Somehow, I am a
Ways villianized, even if I said something that nobody else would find offensive or hurtful. I forgave easily and let so many things go. I remember being invited to her birthday and once. She was going to am amusement park. I was told to meet her at the amusement park and the rest of her friends would meet her at her house. My mom was not happy about it and had me call and ask why I couldn't meet at her house. Soon, I was canceled on at the very last minute. I had hunted for a really nice birthday card but a lot of thought into a gift and then was told "never mind."
There are more incidences like that but that's beyond the point. In the 12 years that I have known her, I went to her house twice and she was at my house maybe 3 times. Once she even talked about all the phone stuff that she did with her other best friend.
I had this sense that her parents didn't like me or something. When she was at my house, my family was more than courteous to her. The last time she was here, I was so annoyed. She commented on how my room wasn't very big, she commented on how there wasn't much water pressure and how she didn't like the shampoo we had. Well, the water heater had a mishap a few hours before a he came over and my mom had accidentally bought shampoo that was intended for Arrican American ladies. Oops.
The worst thing was she announced that she had to eat every 2-3 hours. She did not mention this before hand and she ate SO much. I may be bigger but she ate way more! She said the hamburgers were small but they were thick! My sisters were upset because she kept eating the cut up watermelon and cantaloupe and didn't save any for them!
She was very upset when my mom said she wouldn't turn off the TV but she would turn it down. She complained that hearing is her only good sense. You will understand more a little later. She said it has pretty much been on all day. My aunt who has a developmental disability ca,e over and I put in an a I,aged movie for her to watch. That was 2 hours. Then it was on for 2 hours while my dad watched his race. My mom does not like it dead quiet. It didn't matter because she came in my room to sleep and plaud an audiobook.
When I went to her house, her dad made snide remarks about my weight. She is heavy too so what the hey? I ate dinner and her mom would ask if I wanted more. I would say no and he would say "Not until she gets home!" I guess he thought all fat people ate and ate and ate because he had a 600+ lb sister who had a food addiction. No offense to the sparkers of that size! She has lost some weig last I heard.
I would help this friend with homework. Sometimes, she would do better but she would get allotted significantly more time. Up to 3 weeks. She was struggling with her teaching plans for a classroom management class and say there for 15 minutes not coming up with ideas. I was frustrated with my own work and hated it and took a break and helped her with her work. I had so many ideas and then she said she had the same ideas and never thanked me or gave me credit for helping. A lot of times, she never gave me credit for helping her.
Any time we had a conflict, I couldn't talk to her. I was talking to her, her mom and her dad. Her mom even was mad at me once because I did not want to share my weight and she screams that ,y friend told me her weight and I had to point out that she did that voluntarily and at no point did I ask her.
So, you're probably thinking she is not a good friend ans you wouldn't let her get away with this and that she should be dealing with her own conflicts, especially if she wants to be a teacher. Well, see, the difference with her is she's blind. You might think differently now but don't. Just because someone has a disability does not smoke them a batter person. The thing is I'm not sure she was ever taught that. As long as I have known her, she has never taken responsibility fr wow,thing she has done wrong. I have never heard her apologize. Well, she never thinks she is in the wrong. She jus thinks that everyone else is mean and her mom has taught her that the world should cater to her and she should be treated with a particular fragility. Being cautious ams understanding is one thing but the expectations go beyond that. Nondoy could ever meet her parents expectations.
Her mom is hard to please. She swore that she saw my mom at a party years ago drinking. My mom doesn't drink. When I told her that she looked at me like I was wrong and that she just knew it was my mom at the party. Maybe it's because my friends parents used to do drugs and be involved in that life so they became overprotective and maybe paranoid. My friend complained when we were at a restaurant that it was expensive but it was the only restaurant I'm walking distance and she wasn't allowed to get in a car with even her friends that she has known for years and years. I told her that if she was allowed to get in the car with us, we could have went somewhere way cheaper. She also wanted to stiff the waiter on his tip but that wasn't about to happen.
I guess the reason I held on for so long even though I knew I wasn't getting treats right was because She always said she cared and I was lonely and thought it was better to have someone than nobody. Also because her parents dictates a lot of her decisions and I'm sure they still do.
She was engaged at one point and they would drive by his house and see if there were girls over there. She spent a lot of time at his house and had all the time in the world for hi, even though she was always too busy when I asked her if she wanted to do something.
Back then, I asked her if she was judging me over something and to her, that was an extrem,y hurtful question to not speak to someone for a while over. I got so upset and we got into an argument. She brought stuff up from the past, even though we agreed before not to amd to let it go. Well, I think for me, it all really boiled over and a lot of s,options from the years came out. I said something really hurtful and and that was 17 months ago. See, we are both sensitive but she just doesn't talk and holds her emotions in and my hurt emotions come out as angry and if I feel extremely hurt, then I wI'll say so sing hurtful and it will probably be something someone is insecure about. I still feel awful about it and apologized so many times. I do truly feel remorseful and while I understand that people do not have to forgive, it's been a long time. She has not spoken to me for 17 months. Generally, I am very forgiving and while I would have been hurt and angry if the same words were said to me, I would not hold a grudge for 17 months. The longest I haven't talked to someone was 7 months. Oh, she is also mad because I old her she didn't have to eat my whole pantry but my parents talked about it so much so.
I shouldn't care because I have never been respected or treated fairly but I am not heartless. I am imperfect. We all make mistakes. I am just glad that God is more gracious and forgiving than she is!
I had to write all of this to let it go and be able to move forward.