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Do You Love Yourself Enough? - September 4, 2016

Sunday, September 04, 2016

Today, I went swimming for the first time this season. I got to ten laps in twelve minutes, and that was enough for openers. That part was not disheartening. What totally got to me was going back into the locker room and catching a glimpse of myself as I passed the mirror. Oh my! The Michelin man comes to mind:

At least he looks happy. I am not. Lately, I have been reading quite a few blogs about folks who are just simply struggling with their weight loss attempts. Some are seasoned "losers" and others are those who have barely begun.

One SP buddy who was always so supportive of others, I recently discovered, has made her page offline. She was always there with encouraging words and support for many of us. And now she has become a "member of the dearly departed". I pray it's not permanent. I so wish that had I known she was about to leave, I could have offered her the same kind of encouragement she so unabashedly gave to so many others.

Then there are those who are literally within shooting distance of their goal, and at the last lap, are struggling. I was like that, too, the last go-round, and it is something I really do not understand. I was within three pounds of my self-described goal, thirty-four years ago (Wow! That long ago already?), and I never reached it. I have to ask myself "Why is that?" You can quote to me the literature, but I honestly am not a firm believer in "plateaus". For myself, and that is the only person I can speak for, I think the bigger issue is not one of failure, but a fear of success. And I think this is especially true of women, sad to say. A dear friend of mine had told me about this concept ages ago, and those thoughts have been pondered over and over again by me in the ensuing years since.

Nice quote, but I really believe there is more to it than that. One woman here on SP, who has "friended" me, I think has nailed it. As weight loss becomes apparent, there is an attitude adjustment. I see it clearly in her case, and in her very defiant new-found attitude. How refreshing!

So many with major weight issues (yes, myself included), have parallel issues with self-esteem. It would appear that this relationship is an inverse ratio. You remember those. It goes something like this: The greater the weight gain (in this case), the lower the self-esteem. Conversely, as the weight loss happens, and we see our success, the self-esteem rises. We feel we can conquer the world!

So my question now is, then what happens? Why is it that statistics show 95 percent of us will gain it all back (and then some) within a short amount of time? Why is this success so ephemeral? Can we not embrace ourselves and shower ourselves with self-love no matter our size? What IS it that is impeding permanent success? What is the path to that five-percent success rate? Are we not worthy of being successful? Unfortunately, in the business world, those who are obese do not bring credibility to the table (unless you are Oprah, and she is the exception to many rules), and sadly, being fat WILL definitely impede business success. A thought that does not escape me, especially now. Is it fair? Of course not. So, being fat then becomes not only a health liability but an economic one as well. Points to ponder.

I do so want to embrace a new-found inner strength and to make it permanent. I just need to figure out how. Care to join me?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Not for long any how. Set limits and boundaries for me these are key.😊
    1141 days ago
    Loved this blog. That inner strength is hard to come by when the battle is with self. It is a difficult balance. I just try to win more than I lose. Gain more self awareness and get better and stronger every time. No beating of self allowed.
    1141 days ago
    Late to the party, but as usual, I think you're asking thoughtful questions.

    Fear of success, fear of change, fear. Maybe fear helped us put the weight on in the first place. Maybe removing the weight means confronting some of the roots of that fear.
    1226 days ago
    1231 days ago
    The fear factor...& self love...yes indeed, what a noteworthy combination...For the longest time, I thought putting myself on TOP of the list meant I was narcissistic & selfish. I found the opposite to be true...When you begin to feel...why yes, I AM WORTH IT...the goals & challenges get is easier to set those healthy habits & like what we see in the mirror! EMBRACE the possibilities & positivity too!

    Each day is a new chance to live & love well...It's our choice!

    1231 days ago
  • _BABE_
    I think you have something with this fear of success theory. All my life I have heard you have this and that going for you if only you would lose the weight the world would be yours....funny how that puts a damper on things.

    I am going to be 55 this fall and now the saying if not now then when could not be more putting myself front and centre is my goal....wish me luck.
    1231 days ago
    I have read recently about new scientific breakthroughs in the weight loss arena...


    are interesting articles. The next time I go to NIH for my ophthalmology appointment, I think I'll inquire about any studies being done that are open for participation. I've read other articles in which a doctor/scientist stated that new medications wouldn't be available for approximately five years, so don't give up "eating right and exercising."

    1231 days ago
    The fear of success you wrote about resonated with me. Very good blog, that's for bringing these questions out in the open.
    1231 days ago
    Be nice to you. Because it is difficult. The whole thing. The losing weight part AND the self-esteem part. Parts of different plans ring true but I have yet to see anything that makes 100% sense. This is not a one size fits all project. You were 34 years younger about 34 years ago and that makes it all more difficult now. Time does that. Meanwhile we live in society and our culture tells us what is 'good', 'attractive', and all the rest. It's personal, but don't take it personal.

    I don't think it's a fear of success or a fear of failure for "most" IF you can point to other areas of success ... and I know you have attained success, and I have too ... nope, it's just not "as easy" or "as simple" as 'they say'.
    1231 days ago
    I do care to join you! Your introspection and reflection sure indicate that you are heading in the right direction. Which direction, depends on the day...right? Often times it counts to just step lively...we halt or stall progress to figure stuff out. The trials, tribulations, and learning are all important bits...and are not mutually exclusive. Too often the focus is on the bod, yet the real work is in the brain...our moxie! The road to wellness is paved with many casualties because we often assume it won't be this hard or just SUCK at times. It does. It always will, yet when the focus and intent are locked in to making lasting changes...well, they just might last a lifetime. God speed, safe travels...
    1231 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    A lot of issues to ponder. It is our internal struggle and unfortunately for many of us it vents itself in overeating, over indulging, and just plain old lack of self confidence. Somehow, someway our inner self was injured. I think we need to repair our inner self as we go on this journey and when that wound starts to heal we will be able to face our struggles with renewed vengeance. emoticon
    1232 days ago
  • _JODI404
    I personally think that a failure to remain consistent is a big part of why weight loss and goal weight maintenance is so elusive.

    To lose the weight, we should only be doing things that we can consistently continue to do on a regular basis (or modify as necessary). Once you just stop doing that which has brought you success, your weight will be right back. And oh so swiftly, too.

    Self love, self acceptance, self esteem -- all very important. You deserve to love and be loved no matter what you weigh. You will FEEL better when you are lighter, but it does not make you more worthy of love.

    I'm not to certain about all that the fear of success involves, but my initial thought was that perhaps it is a fear of the amount of effort that it will ALWAYS require. You must commit to continue that effort to remain successful. There are many ways to establish routines that become more natural and make that part a lot easier for ourselves.

    Many good things to ponder.
    1232 days ago
    Oh, I think fear of success has a LOT to do with it.

    On a wholly different topic, an agent once tasked me with writing an essay on "Why I'm afraid to write the novel." I did it, but only after the deadline for her offer to represent me, free of charge, had expired. Telling, isn't it? You can read the essay here (if SP allows anything resembling a link):
    1232 days ago
    I think it is such an individual "fix" when we struggle. Something that worked for another MAY work, but no guarantee.

    I guess for me, I'm the type of person tat, if I'm told "You can't do that. You'll never achieve that." I make it my mission to do exactly that!

    There is always the underlying emotional "stuff" that ultimately needs to be dealt with, too, in order to move forward.

    And it is always an experiment of one. You may try a nutrition plan or an exercise plan that you think you'll like and it may turn out to be an epic fail. so, you have to move on from that.

    Hang in there.
    1232 days ago
    Steve Siebold is one of the few to speak frankly about the connection between obesity and business/professional failure ( -- hugely motivating AND FREE series!!)

    One of the events that triggered my final success with losing 90 pounds: realizing that I had achieved x, y, and z in terms of my professional life but my body was NOT communicating the self-discipline and intelligence that made me look competent. Really as simple as that. Using my brains to make my life work, sigh: and actually taking the weight off and KEEPING it off is harder, probably, than the so-called "professional" accomplishments . . . .
    1232 days ago
    It's frustrating, isn't it? I think sometimes I give in to the instant gratification (a cookie now) rather than delayed gratification (weight loss later). Simple as that. It's the five year old in me.
    1232 days ago
    1232 days ago
    You speak of a lot of positives. Hang in there. No more invitations to the negative parties. {{{Hug}}} This is a journey we are on. Celebrate the holiday. ✨💃✨💫
    1232 days ago
  • COOP9002
    Good word.
    1232 days ago
    I'm with you. I keep reminding myself that this isn't a race and just because I haven't lost x number of pounds by such and such a date doesn't mean anything. Just keep focus on today.
    1232 days ago
    1232 days ago
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