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Doesn't Matter

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

I have been a work in progress for a long time. Over time I came to realize that my role in the family story was that I didn't matter. I still have to remind myself that isn't true but continue to feel I need to vindicate myself for existing. Serve some purpose. Be of help to others.

Now that I am trying to allow myself to feel the normal sadness associated with the death of my mother, I realize the reason I have always had trouble connecting with my feelings is that my feelings also never mattered. What I felt or wanted or needed had to be suppressed in favor of the unrealistic demands of others, or the reasonable needs of my overburdened mother.

We all know how the body reacts to that sort of thing. Hopefully, now that I have this insight, I can feel and express my emotions in ways that are less harmful to my health. Progress....
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DINIE123
    You do matter. Sometimes we tend to decide we are not worth a lot, when it is our thoughts and not those we love who are thinking that. Losing a Mom is so very hard, but now is the time to be gentle with yourself, give yourself some space. Ask yourself "Is it true that I do not matter?" Of course it is not true, you make a difference in someone's life every day, even if it is a small way. Pat yourself on the back, take a deep breath and pamper yourself in some way. YOU DO MATTER !!!!!!! emoticon
    1791 days ago
    Sorry for your loss. Good for you on finding what you need to do. Sometimes you just have to do what's best for you and not worry what others think or say
    1791 days ago
  • GEORGE815
    Hard to overcome the loss of someone so dear to us. It takes time.
    1791 days ago
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