Tuesday, August 30, 2016
I have been a work in progress for a long time. Over time I came to realize that my role in the family story was that I didn't matter. I still have to remind myself that isn't true but continue to feel I need to vindicate myself for existing. Serve some purpose. Be of help to others.
Now that I am trying to allow myself to feel the normal sadness associated with the death of my mother, I realize the reason I have always had trouble connecting with my feelings is that my feelings also never mattered. What I felt or wanted or needed had to be suppressed in favor of the unrealistic demands of others, or the reasonable needs of my overburdened mother.
We all know how the body reacts to that sort of thing. Hopefully, now that I have this insight, I can feel and express my emotions in ways that are less harmful to my health. Progress....