I Matter...Now to find the time
Monday, August 29, 2016
I am struggling with time, as most of my Sparkfriends know. This is an ongoing struggle for me. More than the food, more than the movement, just finding time to devote to me, my health, my pursuit of getting healthier than I am now.
It's Fall. I home-school. I've been doing lessons all Summer, but without the paperwork necessary, without any course guidelines putting demands on me, without having to tick any boxes. My homeschooling is done through a charter for various reasons, but the biggest current one is that I may be able to educate my special needs son well enough to earn a bona fide accredited high school diploma. This will open more doors for him and his future.
So, as I face the fall, and all of it's requirements, I'm scared. I'm scared we won't be able to keep up the pace I've set that includes ticking off the required boxes for our charter school. I'm scared that all my time will be spent on this and I will be too busy to plan decent meals and will default to eating junk instead of cooking a nutritious meal. I'm concerned that I'll not make time for myself to exercise daily. I'm not sure I'll take any time to decompress, to let go of the stress I feel daily. And I'm afraid that I'll let down my I Matter team even more than I have in the past by being MIA all the time.
Those are my fears. And I'm facing them here, in this blog so that I can look at them, examine them, demystify them, and create a plan to defeat them. Or else they'll defeat me.
But I am a strong woman. I am not easily defeated. I've handled some crazy stuff in my life. Crazier than this. But not more time-consuming, not even when I held 3 jobs.
I have a fall schedule planned. It's pretty in color, but pretty ugly and intimidating in time. In it, I have time for exercise, but it's at a weird time, a time that never worked in the past. Can I make it work this fall? It also includes going to bed an hour earlier than we used to, and getting up an hour to 1.5 hours earlier. Will I be able to stick to this? Or will I fall back into old habits of not doing what I hope to do? Not doing what I think is best? Will I put myself last? Will I get bumped off the to-do list entirely?
Or will I face this fall with determination? Not only to get my son where he needs to be to succeed, but to get myself to where I need to be? I need to be healthier. I will be able to get more done in each day if I feel good. And I'll feel good if I exercise daily, including strength.
I did it during a 30-day challenge recently. I ramped up to 1 hour a day, and stuck there. It's do-able. I can do 30m cardio + 30m strength/ stretching-flexibility/ balance every day. So it's in my schedule. Now...to stick to that schedule. We'll see if I've allowed enough time for paperwork - because that's what always eats me alive!
I hope to be more present on Sparkpeople than I have been. But if it takes me a while, you know why.