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I Matter...Now to find the time

Monday, August 29, 2016

I am struggling with time, as most of my Sparkfriends know. This is an ongoing struggle for me. More than the food, more than the movement, just finding time to devote to me, my health, my pursuit of getting healthier than I am now.

It's Fall. I home-school. I've been doing lessons all Summer, but without the paperwork necessary, without any course guidelines putting demands on me, without having to tick any boxes. My homeschooling is done through a charter for various reasons, but the biggest current one is that I may be able to educate my special needs son well enough to earn a bona fide accredited high school diploma. This will open more doors for him and his future.

So, as I face the fall, and all of it's requirements, I'm scared. I'm scared we won't be able to keep up the pace I've set that includes ticking off the required boxes for our charter school. I'm scared that all my time will be spent on this and I will be too busy to plan decent meals and will default to eating junk instead of cooking a nutritious meal. I'm concerned that I'll not make time for myself to exercise daily. I'm not sure I'll take any time to decompress, to let go of the stress I feel daily. And I'm afraid that I'll let down my I Matter team even more than I have in the past by being MIA all the time.

Those are my fears. And I'm facing them here, in this blog so that I can look at them, examine them, demystify them, and create a plan to defeat them. Or else they'll defeat me.

But I am a strong woman. I am not easily defeated. I've handled some crazy stuff in my life. Crazier than this. But not more time-consuming, not even when I held 3 jobs.

I have a fall schedule planned. It's pretty in color, but pretty ugly and intimidating in time. In it, I have time for exercise, but it's at a weird time, a time that never worked in the past. Can I make it work this fall? It also includes going to bed an hour earlier than we used to, and getting up an hour to 1.5 hours earlier. Will I be able to stick to this? Or will I fall back into old habits of not doing what I hope to do? Not doing what I think is best? Will I put myself last? Will I get bumped off the to-do list entirely?

Or will I face this fall with determination? Not only to get my son where he needs to be to succeed, but to get myself to where I need to be? I need to be healthier. I will be able to get more done in each day if I feel good. And I'll feel good if I exercise daily, including strength.

I did it during a 30-day challenge recently. I ramped up to 1 hour a day, and stuck there. It's do-able. I can do 30m cardio + 30m strength/ stretching-flexibility/ balance every day. So it's in my schedule. stick to that schedule. We'll see if I've allowed enough time for paperwork - because that's what always eats me alive!

I hope to be more present on Sparkpeople than I have been. But if it takes me a while, you know why.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Your goal is so fantastic for your son and for you. I would find it hard to fathom that you won't receive some divine guidance to make this happen. There are not many causes as important as a mother wanting to help her child.
    1745 days ago
    you certainly matter.
    1748 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11229317
    I just have to add that you got some other great comments on this blog. I agree with each and every one of them!! emoticon
    1748 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11229317
    I think that you're looking at the whole picture and feeling overwhelmed, when it seems to me that it would benefit you to keep in mind that each day is filled with choices. Take each day at a time and focus on each choice as it arises. Remember that you are in control of your own choices. You've got this! emoticon
    1748 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9065446
    You are a strong woman - I admire your grit! This is such a great blog, and just facing your challenges is wonderful. I love the I Matter team, it's really helped me to reflect on my own life. But guess what? We're all pretty busy and don't always have time. Sometimes occasional appearances are even more valuable. But, in all that you are tackling, you must remember that YOU MATTER, and that in order to accomplish all that you've set out, you must take care of you first!
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    1748 days ago
    I love it when you pop up on the team! Your contributions are always thoughtful and interesting, and it's clear that you really care about all the individual members. But we care about you too, and want to be a support not a burden! I hate to think about you feeling badly when you have to be away because you simply have too many responsibilities and commitments taking up your time.

    Your plans are impressive. The fact that you are even attempting to do all of this proves your strength and determination. Your son is lucky to have such an awesome mom. Your challenge is a tough one, but yes you can definitely do it! Perhaps you won't be perfect. Perhaps you'll have days where the schedule falls apart. But you'll pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep at it, because..... You Matter!!
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    1748 days ago
    We believe in you and know you can succeed in this challenge. And, just know, you have never and will never let your I MATTER team down! Having you stop by to say hello whenever your schedule allows is enough to encourage me, and I'm sure others feel the same. We know you have a lot on your plate and are doing what needs to be done to care for all who rely on you. Wish I lived close to where you do so I could offer assistance when you need it.

    Will keep you and your family in my prayers. Hugs!
    1749 days ago
  • LPORTER2015
    I love the way you wrote your blog. Make sure you print it and adjust your goals as necessary. Good luck to you and your child!
    1749 days ago
    emoticon You have many good reasons to take care of yourself. Homeschooling is very time consuming- but PE is a good thing, so everyone can have an exercise time. Good for the brain!
    HUGs! You will get there for sure!
    1749 days ago
    I don't know what you are going through but I know you are a strong person. I know it takes a lot of positiveness on your part to do what you need to do. To be able to be that positive person and to be there for your son, you need to refuel yourself also. I am not sure but I am guessing you may look forward to those times to refuel yourself.

    You are a great leader.
    1749 days ago
    You are not just a strong woman, you are in intelligent woman! You KNOW that you, your health, your self-care MUST stay on the priority list. High up on it because without you, at your best, the rest does not get done. You are the keystone that holds the plan together

    If things are too hectic, then it's 15 minutes of cardio here and 15 minutes of strength or stretching there. If you occasionally miss a day because things got out of hand, because the hot spot of the day was about to burst into flames, well then gee, you missed a day and you'll get back to it tomorrow. Just don't let tomorrow slip by!

    Is a food service an option to take that responsibility off your plate (no pun intended!). I've heard there are some - Blue Apron or something like that? - that deliver the weekly, healthy meal plans and the necessary ingredients to your doorstep. Do you have the resources to avail yourself of that, part time if not full time?

    As for your "I Matter" team, I believe I've mentioned before that you have a great group of team members? They are active and interactive, friendly, supportive of one another at all times. Each is capable in her own right and none need their team leader to hold their hands on a daily basis. They want to hear from, and about, you because they care but they also understand that you have your own challenges. I sincerely doubt that they feel that they have been "let down" because you take care of business before pleasure.

    I understand your fears, your concerns, your wavering sense of strength and and the doubts of whether you can handle it all successfully. Well, I think you can do it. One day at a time. One challenge at a time. One priority at a time. And sometime during each day, that priority will be YOU!

    1749 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/29/2016 3:54:25 PM
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