Friday, August 19, 2016
It occurred to me early this morning that I am not seeing a realistic view of myself. For those who know me I had dropped from 180 to 160 and life For the life of me I just could not get under 160. then the weight started coming back very slowly at first. I wasn't exercising like I did and still eating but not unhealthy. Then life happened and my ex and I broke up. I lost weight during that time not a good way but it still came off. I came home to NC and met my current hubby who is an amazing cook and but some more weight on. so at the end when I got fed up i was somewhere around 220. I'm honestly not sure, one scale said 225 another said 218 and that was within days of each other. I just went to Fl to celebrate my grandma's 80's birthday who is amazing and awesome. I mean who gets a tattoo in their mid 70's? we I saw family I haven't seen on god knows how long and I can just see the sadness in their eyes thinking how unhealthy I must be and fat I am. The truth is I always saw still saw myself as 160 but I'm not. I tried to explain I have lost weight I'm not as unhealthy because I got lectured and I am making the right steps on improving my life. Even my dad who I turn to and love went off with my husband at the mall and they found a candy shop said "don't tell nikki, she doesn't need that" I didn't say anything but I was hurt. I weighed myself this morning and I am so close to 200 I can taste to small victory. So next yr when I see everyone I can say you all doubted me, although I know you love me you looked down because I was the heaviest in the family. Well look at me now. look how far I have come!!!
I am more venting and I know but we are all in the same boat here. We want to be healthy more then anything, maybe you want to prove something to a loved one, maybe your tired of being overweight. whatever your reason is take it and say I GOT THIS. It doesn't have to be weight loss it can be with school or an abusive relationship. One thing I have learned is not to let people get you down but take it and fuel the fire within to rise above and prove something more to yourself then anyone.