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Friday, August 19, 2016

It occurred to me early this morning that I am not seeing a realistic view of myself. For those who know me I had dropped from 180 to 160 and life For the life of me I just could not get under 160. then the weight started coming back very slowly at first. I wasn't exercising like I did and still eating but not unhealthy. Then life happened and my ex and I broke up. I lost weight during that time not a good way but it still came off. I came home to NC and met my current hubby who is an amazing cook and but some more weight on. so at the end when I got fed up i was somewhere around 220. I'm honestly not sure, one scale said 225 another said 218 and that was within days of each other. I just went to Fl to celebrate my grandma's 80's birthday who is amazing and awesome. I mean who gets a tattoo in their mid 70's? we I saw family I haven't seen on god knows how long and I can just see the sadness in their eyes thinking how unhealthy I must be and fat I am. The truth is I always saw still saw myself as 160 but I'm not. I tried to explain I have lost weight I'm not as unhealthy because I got lectured and I am making the right steps on improving my life. Even my dad who I turn to and love went off with my husband at the mall and they found a candy shop said "don't tell nikki, she doesn't need that" I didn't say anything but I was hurt. I weighed myself this morning and I am so close to 200 I can taste to small victory. So next yr when I see everyone I can say you all doubted me, although I know you love me you looked down because I was the heaviest in the family. Well look at me now. look how far I have come!!!

I am more venting and I know but we are all in the same boat here. We want to be healthy more then anything, maybe you want to prove something to a loved one, maybe your tired of being overweight. whatever your reason is take it and say I GOT THIS. It doesn't have to be weight loss it can be with school or an abusive relationship. One thing I have learned is not to let people get you down but take it and fuel the fire within to rise above and prove something more to yourself then anyone.
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  • JIBBIE49
    I'm glad you got out of that bad relationship found your new husband. The old saying "Men are like buses, a new one comes along every fifteen minutes." With the internet today you can learn so much about a person and their friends.
    You are right in what you say that you KNOW that 200# is fat and you KNOW you can do better, so next year I'm sure you will make a good impression. If you are like I am I have to follow a low carb diet or I won't lose. I've learned a lot from Jason Fung M.D. who has lectures on YouTube.
    1808 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14915039
    This happened to me as well - I lost 100 lbs when I first started sparking over five years ago ... Then I quit sparking , My Spark died . I gained back weight .
    This helped me rekindle the spark .
    While meditating on the Flame of a Candle floating in an iridescent , crystal wine glass . I was struck by the similarity of this candle to the potential we all have floating within us .
    Spiritual promise , my own unique light source , lies waiting to catch fire . Only I hold the matches , and its my choice whether I light my interior candle or leave it floating Cooley in the shadows .
    This past year has been very difficult for me ... I lost my father to a tragedy and many other life situations arose in my personal life and you're right - this is about me and what I need to do for my better health .
    Hugs Karen
    Lets Sail that Boat together for better us emoticon

    1808 days ago
    YES! Fuel for the fire.

    I actually want to see my old workmates. Lovely women for the most part, but, you know, constantly discussing their percentage body fat around me while wolfing down donuts. Whatever. lol.
    1808 days ago
  • A28661
    Just stay positive and remember on your journey, muscle weighs more than fat! Love knowing many people out there fighting the same fight!
    1809 days ago
    Amen! :)
    1809 days ago
  • NEPTUNE1939
    1809 days ago
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