Life in recovery; therapy and step 3.

Tuesday, August 09, 2016

Life in recovery; therapy and step 3.
I had therapy yesterday. We talked about balance, and step work and I tried to bull my way through without going deep. She called my bluff. We then talked about step three, the turning your will over to the Higher Power. I admitted that I feel very distant from my Higher Power, that the conversation has been pretty rote for a while. Church has seemed to evolve into legalism and politics, and I have lost a sense of spiritual growth. Again, she called my bluff, and asked when was the last time I prayed. Not the rigid set prayers, but a conversation with my Higher Power about my food addiction, my powerless ness, my numbing. I was pretty stunned to realize that it’s been awhile. So my homework is to continue to think the mantra, Food is not medicine and will not solve what’s wrong with me. Prayer is the answer.
I came home, pretty numb from a day of compassion fatigue from social work, and worked the sales gig for a little, but it was mindless rote work and my mind keep spinning away to I feel disconnected from my creator. I tried to turn my brain off and went to bed. I woke several times in the night, feeling numb and disconnected and binge ate cold macaroni and cheese leftover from the daycare. Tonight is OA, where I will try and process this. Numb is a feeling. It’s where I go when things get to intense.

Today’s reading spoke to the struggle of following God’s Will, the step 3. Turning it over to the higher power- from the Saint of the Day, Pope talking about the benediction of St. Teresa o f the Cross. Addressing himself to the young people gathered for the canonization, the pope said: “Your life is not an endless series of open doors! Listen to your heart! Do not stay on the surface but go to the heart of things! And when the time is right, have the courage to decide! The Lord is waiting for you to put your freedom in his good hands.” And the minute meditation; Creation is not some possession that we can lord over for our own pleasure; nor, even less, is it the property of only some people, the few. Creation is a gift, it is the marvelous gift that God has given us, so that we will take care of it and harness it for the benefit of all, always with great respect and gratitude.from Caring for Creation. I have always thought of my higher power as my creator, who blessed me with this creation, this marvelous human body, and a world to inhabit.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are chipping away at it. Don't give up! You're right . . . numb is a feeling. Time to get @ it, which you're doing.
    1198 days ago

    30 years ago, I spent 8 years in therapy... I started at 3 days a week, and many days I came home and just went to sleep. I know how hard it can be. The best decision I made was that if I was going to do it, I was also committing to leaving self-deception and my maladaptive coping mechanisms at the door (I am smart enough to manipulate my way out of all truth and, initially, therapy was the only place where I was no-holds-barred honest). I'm glad you are opening your heart to people who will "call your bluff." It is a gift beyond measure.


    P.S. Go check out my nearly 100 lbs. eliminated pics... maybe in my journey you'll find some strength and inspiration of your own (in fact my last few blogs). Our journeys are not dissimilar.

    1199 days ago
    It's ok
    1199 days ago
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