Warning: This blog is not going to be sentimental. It's actually painful to write. But it's something that I feel impelled to do.
The other day I read a blog of AutieJ's (wish I could find the exact part...EDIT: Now found, thanks to AutieJ: It's her blog titled "I Don't Want To Be Like My Daddy")
that stopped me in my tracks. As I am coming to know my new SP buddy, I have learned that she fills her blogs with a lot of sobering facts, laced with comic relief. I mean how much "gloom and doom" can one take in one sitting?
So, why did I pause? She included a link to the so-called "Death Clock":
I went to the site and plugged in some numbers, erring on the high-end side. And after some moments to crunch my input, it came up with my death: Friday, September 2, 2022. Holy smokes! That's just six years from now!
The site is geared around your BMI (what a surprise!) and how your current lifestyle is going to kill you sooner rather than later. For me, this is a bare six years from now. Those of you who know me, know that my business partner and I are embarking (hopefully!) on a new venture. It is humbling to see that all our plans and general living, can come to a grinding halt a mere six years from now.
If you are on a health journey that involves sticking with the plan for many, many months (years even) as I am, because of a lot of excessive weight, it is exceedingly hard to find motivation daily. We need to find new ways to keep us going to see that elusive finish line: Good health reborn. Each day I have to reinvent myself to keep myself going. Lately, as I previously posted, I have returned to the carefree days of kindergarten, awarding myself a gold star, for each day that I keep in calorie range. Even that has required me to dust myself off and start anew after just a mere seven days, but I am sticking with it, and modifying the plan to award the stars after the fact and not before, even if I track the day's calories in advance - stuff happens. This ensures my compliance. How old am I? Sixty-five (still cannot wrap my brain around that). And, yes, whatever tools I can come up with, I will surely try, to get to the goal of general good health.
The hardest part of this "journey" is the internal one. So many have eloquently written blogs about this one. This, in my view, is the whole enchilada: If we can figure out what led us to this point, I truly believe the weight loss will become permanent. I do not believe, as one SP buddy suggested to me once, it is merely that we have been exposed to excessive eating in childhood that "just" continues into adulthood. Weight is complex. And it has to be confronted head on, shining light into a lot of dark corners that we don't really want to get into. But in order for this to be truly successful for the last time (!), a lot of self-introspection, I believe, is mandatory. I, for one, do not want to be back here ever again. And I know it will require a lot of diligence and understanding of me.
So Death: Don't wait up for me. I will not meet you on that date you assigned me because of my obesity. Come hell or high water, I will conquer my demons, and I will succeed.