I read an article today, and I've come to a funny realization.... I think I had to become an unhappy, frighteningly unhealthy 'fat' person in order to learn, once and for all, how be a deeply happy and fulfilled... what?
A deeply happy and fulfilled 'thin' person?
A deeply happy and fulfilled 'goal weight' person?
A deeply happy and fulfilled 'ideal weight' person?
How about 'just' a deeply happy and fulfilled person?
For too long, the fact that I was 'fat' limited me, burdened me, diminished me and, to a certain extent, defined me... NOT because fat made me different from, or somehow less than any other person, but because it prevented me from living the life I value and want.
Where I'm sitting right now, my weight has ceased to define me... even though I am not yet at 'goal' weight... whatever that really is.
(I still don't know where my weight will likely stabilize.)
It's only as my own significant weight loss has recently become a reality, and since I now actually believe I WILL lose any excess weight I need to, that I can see myself as separate from my weight.
You see, for most of my 8.5 years here, I was upset that no matter how hard I tried, I could not lose any weight... and that was why I was here... to lose weight, right?
Turns out I was wrong.
I have to struggle HARD for every ounce of fat eliminated.
I've had to persist without any compensatory weight loss for my efforts.
In the end, I simply had to decide to have the life I wanted despite my weight.
(You see, I originally thought that my life became smaller because I got fat, but the truth is that I got fat only after my life became small... and ill health contributed greatly to the diminishment of my life.)
That's what I was really here to do.... get my life back. I don't now have a life because I've lost the weight... the elimination of fat has happened because I have regained a truly full, and rewarding life. Healing myself and my life had to come FIRST.
...and that has been the greatest gift of this journey, because with every pound less, I am stepping ever more fully into a life I really love and enjoy.
And, because of this seemingly backward journey of mine, I realize that I have also become one of the much envied 5% even before I reach 'goal weight'... because no matter where the number is on the scale at this point, nothing about my life will change in any significant way.
I essentially have two modes of operation... eliminating fat, or maintaining weight... and of the two, I still maintain more easily, than I eliminate.
More specifically, no matter what mode I am in:
...I will still eat food I really enjoy and which nurtures my body.
...I will still move my body in ways I enjoy as the spirit moves me, and opportunity presents itself (I'm not a formal exerciser, I simply take advantage of the opportunities in my day to challenge my body... and we are active as a family).
...I will continue to respect my need for rest... for my body and for my mind.
...I will continue to set boundaries and limits on my time and in my relationships.
...I will still have daily goals and routines that ensure my emotional/physical/spiritual needs are well and consistently met.
...I will still wear clothes I feel good in and enjoy wearing (though I have to admit this one has gotten easier).
...I will still be doing things I enjoy and that allow me to feel a sense of accomplishment and contribution in my community.
...I will still be having a ton of fun loving my husband and raising my Divine Miss O.
...I am still a Daughter of the King... and Yes! Jesus loves me (no more and no less than when I was fat)!
...I will still struggle with laziness, fear, frustration, hurt, pain, the unexpected... LIFE... in exactly the same ways I do now... and none of my coping mechanisms involve food.
My life is already designed to support whatever weight upon which I land. No special effort will be required.
Here's the article I read, in case you're interested:
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Losing a Lot of Weight
While you are pondering, my greatest hope for you right now is that, despite any and all difficulties, your summer continue be all you need it to be... that good memories abound... that peace and joy run rampant and reign free... that love crowds out worry and strife and fills every nook cranny to over-flowing... that abundance becomes all you remember when you look back from the other side. I pray that the peace which surpasses all understanding becomes like a cosy sweater hugged close under starry summer skies, clothing a heart filled with wonder and awe, and which beats steady faith in all things and possibilities. Amen.
UNTIL. (My 'Just Do It' blog)
I've Reached My Goal Weight!!!!!!!
NOTE: My weight tracker is NOT a truthful representation of my weight. Instead, I am using it as a tool to help me visualize my goal as though it's already been achieved!
Why I'm STILL here... my SparkJourney Saga
Words CAN Be Enough... page 4
(ponder this some and you come to see this SPARKjourney in a whole new light)
I'm 159.6 pounds, today.
(I started my journey at 250 lbs.... I am within 9 pounds of 100 pounds eliminated... I have more to go, but this particular milestone is weighing heavy on my awareness. It honestly never seemed possible before now)