life in recovery, it is what it is.
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
7/20. Life in recovery; It is what it is, learning step three.
Today was the day of the big doctor appointment, the day where I was to learn the test results and come up with a plan. I was hoping that today was the day where I would get a pat on the back for doing everything I could think of to deal with chronic pain, and learn an effective treatment. When I started this adventure, my clinical marker was 18, which isn’t in the scary zone, and I had pain, but I could still get around. Two years later, I learn today, that my clinical marker is 34. Double. And the pain is much worse, and the lack of mobility without pain is changing my quality of life. Did he have the answers? Do I have a diagnosis? No. and it is what it is. I am learning step 3 in recovery-to give myself over to the Creators will, and apparently, It’s the Creators will that I have “ the beginnings of some kind of auto-immune disease process.” And maybe a drug trial, he wasn’t sure and would get back to me after MORE lab work. I could be bitter, and eat my frustrations, but instead I am trying to think of step 3. I am meant to struggle through this. There is something to learn here.