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Cranky beginnings for a "wellness journey"

Sunday, July 17, 2016

I am ornery and it ain't cute* in the least. I want to do some kind of combination of extreme sport mixed with competitive eating. Either one is a form of self-harm and it takes a lot of jittery resentment to sit in a chair and write instead.

I saw the Sparkpeople article for "10 Tips for Starting a Wellness Program Today
Fun Ways to Get Healthy" and felt sad-mad, as O says in the honest-to-God masterpiece film "Home". I am iffy on Sparkpeople. Years ago I drank the koolaid, listened to Chris whatshisface read his Spark book on audio (he was very uncomfortable, poor guy) and even lost a significant amount of weight. It worked!

It didn't work. I got sad again. Real sad. The worst sad I've ever been. I gained a lot of weight back. I got less sad and more active. I kept gaining weight. I really beat the sad this time and got super hella active and gained even more weight. I gave up and continued to gain weight. I jumped on and off the bandwagon so many times you think that alone would take some of these pounds off but no, I am at my highest weight since college and caught in a merry-go-round of sad-mad.

My previous posts indicate that I've been working into a new mentality where I can only aim for fitness and health, weight-be-damned. I want to lose weight but that can't be my goal and usually Sparkpeople promotes that mentality. Sometimes, though, it promotes Cool Whip, margarine, and fat-free snacks which are routinely marked as hazardous by nutrition researchers.

But that is another entry. This entry is on the 10 tips for getting on a wellness journey TODAY. Even when I am sad-mad and even if I am suspicious of Sparkpeople's motives.

1. Write out your goals & desires (make these SMART goals)
2. Ask what, when and how
3. Have a plan
4. Start a journal
5. Begin your journey where you’re standing now
6. Take one step at a time
7. Learn from your setbacks
8. Spend some time “cleaning house”
9. Stop comparing yourself to others
10. Reward yourself

I look at that list and my first reaction is "Woof. This is real." These are good tips. I know because i don't like them. They don't fill me with the manic spunk and optimism of a midnight Pinterst binge on "How to get your life together in 3 steps!" and they don't look easy. This will be a long and arduous journey.

*note to anyone who takes issue with "ain't" as a word: please research Prescriptive versus Descriptive grammar. Linguists and writers largely agree upon Descriptivist grammar. If you take up a Prescriptivist stance you are a square and a sourpuss and most likely a boor at parties.
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.