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An Update on My Mother-in-Law

Friday, July 08, 2016

We moved my MIL into her new home on June 15. I ended up taking the day off work so I could be there if I wanted to. DH drew the "short straw" as the sibling to take his mum to her new home but the night before the move, his sister and brother both said they wanted to be there, too so it turned into kind of a party moving her in.

The morning of June 15, DH picked his mum up from his sister's place in Toronto and when they were almost all the way to the nursing home, he told her that he was taking her to her new "apartment", that we knew she was unhappy where she currently was and that this new place was very nice. And, she seemed okay with it.

All of us thought she would freak at moving into a nursing home but for the most part, she was fine although when she noticed DH having to enter a code to get onto her ward, she kind of freaked a bit but the staff distracted her and then she was okay again.

The staff have been great. They even put a sign on her room door that has her name and "Apartment ####" on it to keep up the pretense of it being her own apartment.

emoticon We were also lucky that she got a private room with her own private bathroom although in light of recent happenings maybe it wasn't as important as we initially thought it was (more on that later).

DH's sister arrived about an hour after he and their mum did and then his brother and our 2-year-old niece showed up, too and the 5 of them had lunch together in a private lounge. I arrived about 1:00ish. I brought her a housewarming present of a pink broom with a pink brush and a pink dustpan because she loves sweeping AND the colour, pink plus a Gund bunny rabbit because she loves stuffed animals especially if they're soft and not hard.

She loved them but our niece loved the broom, too, emoticon :


My BIL and niece left around 3 and I left shortly after that but DH and my SIL hung around until 4:30 when they were literally told to leave so that my MIL could get settled into her new home and routine.

My SIL was still worried though so instead of going home, she just went and got something to eat and then called the home around 6 to see how it was going and everything was fine and they told her to go home and not to come back that day.

And, since then, she seems mostly okay. The staff know that she likes to help so they give her small tasks to do so that she stays busy like folding laundry and there are activities on the ward that she participates in and she's had family visiting her everyday and sometimes people in the morning and in the afternoon. We've even taken her out for ice cream or walks or to run errands with us.

However, things have changed somewhat at the home the past few days. She apparently has a boyfriend, which is fine with us for the most part and the staff is also fine with it for the most part but we're meeting with the home's social worker next week just to discuss the situation anyways. Because it's not just that she's made a friend who is a man but they're kissing and hugging and she has spent at least 2 nights in his room with him. emoticon

We have no idea how intimate they're being and as I said everyone including his family seems okay with it for the most part. Personally, this seems like unusual behaviour for her to me. She's been widowed for 17 years and this is the first time that I know of that she's had a boyfriend. For the most part, she's fairly shy/quiet with people she's not comfortable around. She's more affectionate with family obviously but this new behaviour seems abnormal to me.

That said, she's way more affectionate with me these days than before she got Alzheimer's. She regularly hugs me and holds my hand and tells me how happy she is to see me and that she loves me. I knew she felt this way before she got sick and see her new touchy/feely behaviour as someone who is now more comfortable showing her affection physically because her words and thoughts are failing her. So I get it and I guess I suspect that this new "boyfriend" might also be because of this new behaviour development of hers.

I guess I just wanted to "write" (blog) it out to gather my thoughts.

I don't think it will last. I think that this is just a new symptom of her disease and at some point she'll move on to some other new behaviour.

I do worry that there might be a big blow-out at some point and worry about how it will affect her but maybe I'm just worrying needlessly. Maybe after the talk with the social worker, I'll feel more at ease. We'll see.
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  • 4CYNDI
    I'm glad the new home is working out well for your MIL. It seems like it truly is the best place for her and with family nearby is ideal. The behavior is a little worrying but might also be a good thing. Talking with her case worker is good.

    Have a great summer!
    1656 days ago
    Hope everything turns out alright. emoticon
    1656 days ago
  • _LINDA
    Wow! That is a major turn around! That is so wonderful the family is gathering around to support her and the staff is helping settle her in, but the boyfriend, just wow. I don't know anyone with this dreadful disease, and am sorry you have to deal with it in your family :-( Hope that gets sorted out peacefully...
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1657 days ago
    Minus the boyfriend, we are dealing with this with my 87 year old grandmother. Alzheimers takes a major tole on everyone. You are in my thoughts.
    1657 days ago
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