life in recovery, relapse
Saturday, June 25, 2016
Life in recovery, relapse
Sometimes, what seem like hardships in our lives are the greatest blessings — we only need to change our perspective. In Isaiah we read: “We are the clay, you are the potter.” God is our potter, shaping and making us the finest we can be. Let’s rest easy and be blessed knowing we are in the finest hands.. Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein.
So I survived the family gathering, but not intact. I did fine until my brother handed me a beer. And then when I woke up Friday, and my sons said Let’s get diner food for breakfast. I ate the rest of the day. I ate in the night. I woke up, and I automatically reached for the bag of trial mix. Then I stopped myself, and started the day. I am trying to change my perspective. It was a beautiful wedding, it was nice to see my dad and step mom, and the scenery on the very long drive was gorgeous. That’s the part of the vacation I will remember and hold on it. The anxiety, the unease, the plunge into addiction, I will release.
The OA app has a morning meditation, that I look at the days plans, and I pray for inspiration, That I look to do His will, and not our desires. I pray for discipline, in food choices, and in activity.
I am planning my day, a visit to the farmer’s market (as the social point of my small town), a trip to Wal-mart to pick up a few things forgotten at the grocery store, some errands. I am cooking for the week, so I have meals planned ahead. I am doing laundry, and I am cleaning. I am journaling. I am working my way through a step guide from NA. The steps are essentially the same. Step One, the powerlessness and unmanageable life.