Thursday, June 23, 2016
Today I am tired, and I know exactly why. My very large dog is terrified of storms, and last night after struggling to fall asleep (I think I finally nodded off around midnight), I came to at 4:00am with my dog standing in front of my face, panting and whining. As my husband had to get up at 5, I convinced my dog to come downstairs with me so I could go back to sleep on the couch and hopefully keep our terrified dog from disturbing my husband.
Of course, it's never that simple. Once downstairs he paced and panted and whined and just couldn't settle down. At 5 when my husband came down to leave for work I was still awake. I did manage to nod off a couple of times between then and when my alarm started going off at 6, but I'm definitely sleep deprived today.
But I've also noticed that even on days where I get enough sleep, I'll come home from work and can almost feel the weight of my exhaustion hit. My job, although it's a desk job, is tedious and mentally draining. And even though my body is doing little more than typing all day, by the time I get home I feel like I could just crawl into bed. I'm trying to do nearly 2 full time jobs in one (just temporarily if you can believe my boss, which I can't), and it's everything I can do to keep my head above water. I'm trying to "just keep swimming", but I know this isn't helping my stress levels, or leave me with any motivation to do anything but crash when I get home. It's all I can do some days to make dinner and do any kind of housework before I melt into a puddle on the couch.
I also admitted to my husband last night that I just feel... alone. His class has a group messenger that they are always chatting on, and I'm glad he has that network and support while going through this challenging final part of school, but it makes me feel like he is part of something and I'm an outsider. Since moving here I have no real friendships at work (and no prospects for one), and my few close friends live hours away. Sure, we text or talk on the phone now and then, and we didn't go out all the time even before I moved, but it's almost like not even having that option just makes it seem so different. I'm slowly adjusting, but I admit it's been a struggle for me emotionally.
At any rate, I did work on my yoga room last night so that's one small thing accomplished. I haven't used it for yoga just yet, but the TV is mounted and I even hung a piece of art on the wall. I need to hang curtains and figure out what to use under the TV for the DVD player and such, but it will be ready to go soon!
Tonight my only goal is to have a healthy dinner and get to bed early. If I get anything else done that's just a bonus! So glad tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!! :)