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Forcing myself...

Tuesday, June 07, 2016

I am forcing myself to get on here today. I said I was going to do it and I will, but still....I don't want to. It's embarrassing. I am heavier now than I was before I lost my 65 pounds. Oh dear. I could cry just typing that out. I haven't said it out loud until now. I have just been living in denial. I am so ashamed of myself. And frustrated because I know I shouldn't be ashamed. I should just pick up the pieces and move on. Here's the thing. I lost my weight the right way, and for the right reasons. I just stopped worrying about it at some point. One day off turned into 3 days which turned into 3 weeks, which turned into 3 years. And I know how to do it. I just can't make myself do it.

Again, my goal is to blog on here again tomorrow. No other goals for now because truthfully I just don't feel like I can.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings. You will be glad to know I at least brought a healthy snack with me today so I will stay out of the vending machine. Maybe that's a good goal today.....stay out of the vending machine. I will eat my healthy grapes instead.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great Job! Yes, blogging is a great goal.
    Motivation stems from action (though we would like for it to be the other way around) so taking some action will help you gain that motivation - and logging in here is a great action, blogging is another great action. Packing grapes is awesome. Setting goals is another great action.
    You are maybe doing more than you think to start that momentum rolling.

    Keep going!
    1015 days ago
    I know how you feel. When I took the time off and regained a HUGE amount of weight, though I wasn't at my heaviest, I was miserable. I didn't want to come back to spark, but I did. At first it was just to track my food and exercise. That way it helped me see what I was doing. Eventually I got back into the blogging and everything else aspect of it. I didn't stay hidden and ashamed. It is hard. It is embarrassing, but eventually, I've learned what helps me stay going. I made it through some extremely difficult times and am coming out the other side on the "losing" (or winning?) side!

    My thought is this, I can't miss more than a day on spark for tracking, I can't miss workouts unless I'm sick, I can't skip stuff. It has really helped me make sure it sticks. This weekend, for example, was a huge eat fest, which was fine, but with the junk I consumed Sunday, I wanted to skip Monday and eat more and more junk. BUT, I knew that would start my complete downward spiral the way that the other times I failed would be. SO, I ate right all day, and then got my workout in. It worked. It felt amazing. It is still hard right now, my body wants to be a jerk, but I'm fighting back.
    1015 days ago
    I've done the same thing. I think a lot of us have. I read somewhere that 95% of dieters regain weight, because so many people don't lose it the right way. I think what I did wrong the first time was that I went on one of those liquid diets. It was doctor supervised, and I got down to my goal weight and looked fantastic, but I did a few things wrong. #1. I quit after the weight-loss part and didn't stick around for the maintenance part - how to slowly incorporate food back into my diet after being on liquids for so long. #2 I lost weight too fast. It doesn't tend to stay off if you lose it too fast and I lost it very fast. #3 I exercised too hard and I couldn't keep it up. Plus I hated it. I only did it to reach my goal and as soon as I lost the weight, I quit exercising.

    This time, I am eating all 5 food groups plus unsaturated fat at every meal. Keeping my calories between 1200 to 1400 per day. Drinking 11 cups of water per day. Exercising by walking for 3 miles almost every day. On days that I don't do 3 miles, I do at least 1 to 1.5 miles. Nothing extreme. I'm losing about 1.25 pounds per week. I know that's not fast, but if I don't do it right, where will I be in a few years? Right back here plus more weight probably. And if I think it's too hard and don't try at all, where will I be in one year? Or for the rest of my life?

    On the other hand, if I do it right, I will be at my goal weight before the end of the year. I'm at the half way point. I've lost 26 so far (in 22 weeks). I have 22 weeks until November 8th to lose 26.8 pounds, so if I keep up my rate of 1.25 pounds per week, I can do it. At that point, I want to reevaluate. When I started this, my goal was to lose 10 more than that, but I am wearing clothes now that I used to wear at about 10 to 15 pounds lighter than I am, so I'm sure some of that weight is muscle that I've added. So I'll just have to see how I look and feel as I go.

    Good luck to you! And don't feel too bad. The past is over and we can't change it. We can change our future, though!


    1015 days ago
  • VRIEJ69
    You can do it. every day is new day. Forget about yestetday. My best weighttool Is tracking what I eat on Spark people. I write it down before I eat it. This usually stops me from eating junk food. Gosh grapes sound good. I need grapes now! :-)
    1015 days ago
    If you need a friend to help you stay strong you can friend me. I've been where you are and am praying I'm back on track now. Haven't been able to get back into exercise but one day at a time. You can do it!
    1015 days ago
    One day at w time. I have yo yo dieted for years. Start again
    1015 days ago
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