Am I Just Lazy or what?

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Why do I always hit a brick wall at three weeks in? I am going along, logging and trying to track as accurately as I can, and suddenly around the third week, I notice I’m sick of logging, sick of thinking about food and just tired and impatient with the whole thing?

Before you start saying “weigh yourself” or “Take your measurements” to see if there is any progress and use that as motivation, let me tell you this.

I am 55 years old. I have been dieting since before I was even overweight, which I think has added to my problem. Somewhere around 1973 this homely girl decided that weight loss would solve all her problems. As a result, by the time I was 17, I really did need to lose weight.

So yo yo for the next 35 years, with some extended periods of successful weight loss (weight watchers in the 90’s) two children, baby weight, loosing baby weight with WW and aggressive exercise program that did not fit into my lifestyle or personality so that only lasted about a year and a half, then Antidepressants, HUGE weight gain within 3 months of starting that medication, more years of diet and exercise (mainly walking) and a year and a half of eating as a Vegan which helped me lose 20 pounds (the most I ever lost on antidepressants) which crept back on as the Vegan life style deteriorated. Plus more pounds.

Through all of this, I let the scale determine if I was a good person or a bad person, if I was happy or sad, if I was a success or a failure. And also it went something like this:

Good results on the scale = HOORAY, and instead of reinforcing my determination, I would find myself loosening up and eating things in amounts that I shouldn’t.

Bad results on the scale = BOOHOOO. I am going to punish myself and this diet by making the worst possible choices because what’s the point.

Now I know this is wrong. I know I should stay the course regardless of what the scale says, but that’s not how it works for me. That expectation of stepping on the scale – the dread or the hope, always results in emotional induced eating.

So some years ago, I decided to get rid of my scale and focus on just eating as healthy as I can. I have not been able to accomplish a vegan lifestyle again, even though I think it was good for me. I just don’t have the energy to cook a separate meal when I get home at night. My husband is the cook and he cooks the way he and my boys like to eat (all of them are at healthy weights and do not have food issues. On average they do not overeat).

Last October I had a spinal fusion for a deterioration problem that has been sneaking up on me over the past 5 or 6 years. By the time of the surgery I could walk for 3 to 5 minutes and then I would have to sit down to let the feeling go back into my leg and foot. Needless to say over those 5 to 6 years, my physical activity gradually and steadily decreased to nothing….not even shopping!

The surgery in October was successful and has given me back the ability to walk long distances. I cannot run (not that I ever really could before anyway) but I can walk at a decent pace.

My family bought me a fitbit for Mothers’ Day and I have been tracking my steps and I have returned to spark people after a long absence. Walking feels great! We went away for a weekend and reaching 20,000 steps was no problem at all. But once back to work, I have a sedentary job. It is difficult to slip away from my desk to get in steps. I need to get up early in the AM or exercise after work and I have not found the motivation to do that yet. I hate the heat, I’m not a morning person, and 10,000 other reasons that are all excuses that am ashamed of, and yet, I have not done anything about it. Three weeks in, I find that brick wall again.

Right now, I am trying to gently get myself to healthier eating. I am finding it tough to eat the amount of veggies I should be eating and some days I don’t eat any at all!

I know what I have to do it. I just lack the ambition to do it. I want to lose weight but I don’t need to see a confirmation of every pound as it comes off. I want to eat healthy, but sometimes I don’t know where to start. I feel exhausted all the time and I can’t seem to make myself do what I need to do. Its so overwhelming.

I haven’t given up. But I am feeling bad about myself. About the way I look, about the way I eat and about my lack of physical activity. Am I just lazy or what?
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DEBRAJ61
    I know you are feeling frustrated. I had to go on some medication that caused me to gain 20 pounds last year. Most weight I ever gained in one year without being pregnant. I was down on myself. On Jan 1st, I made a resolution to myself, that I would take off 15 pounds this year. Not even the full 20 I gained, but just under that amount. I thought that 15 was doable. Well, after the first 6 weeks, and not losing anything, I came back to Spark. Best decision I ever made. The one thing I kept telling myself though through that 6 weeks,was "I won't give up". And I haven't. In 5 months, I have lost only 6 pounds. In the past I would have given up by now. But, I keep telling myself I won't. The one thing I started was challenges on here. The 28 day boot camp challenge I started with. I not only weighed myself at the beginning, but I also measured myself because success comes in different ways. I think I only lost like a couple pounds but I lost some inches. So, at the end of that challenge, I did a different one. The weight is SLOWLY coming off but it is staying off. And the inches are coming off. Which are making my clothes fit better. Strength training is important in an overall fitness program. This I discovered over this last 5 months. Especially at 55 years old! I am also 55 years old. I still have weight to lose and inches to get rid of. But I keep saying I won't give up. You seem to have trouble through the third week. It's like hitting the wall (mile 20 in a marathon) for you. It's mental! So, when you are approaching that third week, find someone to help you power through it. I am here!! More than happy to help you power through it!! Send me a message when you are having trouble and I will help!! Sometimes it is just having that person who will be there to take your mind off of the things that will cause you to backslide. You can do this!! I know you can power through it!! Let your friends on Spark here help. That is why we are here!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1232 days ago
    I tend to lose a couple of lbs a week the first couple of weeks and then the weight loss is slower around week three. I know I feel frustrated when the scale starts to move slowly despite my big efforts. Don't give up! You are not lazy. You are human. When you don't want to exercise, do it anyway! When you don't want to track, do it anyway! And when you fail, you will get back on the horse and do those things again. As Michael Jordan says, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
    1232 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by ERROLBIRD