Weightloss has changed my life...some good...some bad...but all in all, I couldn't be happier.
Thursday, May 05, 2016
My weight and body issues have been a constant in my life since 3rd grade. I remember my Mom taking me to a nutritionist in 3rd grade to help with my eating and weight. What I didn't realize is that her attempt to help planted that little seed that let me know that something wasn't right about me and my body. From that point forward, I knew I wasn't like other people and that I should be ashamed of my body and my weight.
My weight has gone up and down over the years, but my self esteem didn't seem to really change. I still felt like the fat kid who was the last to be picked for kickball and who didn't go to any school dances. (Except one..and it was a complete disaster). Ha!
I don't know if it was turning 40, career advancement, or just a shift in my hormones, but something changed inside of me. It started with just the desire to have more energy and separate myself from negative people in my office. I joined a gym down the street from my office and started going 2 days a week during my lunch hour. I'd hit the treadmill and then do some weight training. After a few months, I suddenly noticed I had muscles in my legs. When my son asked me to carry him up from the pool - a very steep, long hill - I did it! And didn't collapse at the top of the stairs! We'd take family hikes and I was suddenly challenging my kids to run with me.
People around me started to notice too. I don't think it was the weight loss at first. I think it was a difference in my confidence. I was standing taller. I was wearing dresses that showed off my legs. I was buying pretty high heels.
The best part? I noticed too. I noticed how great I felt and looked! I started taking selfies! LOL! (Don't worry - no duck faces!) I turn heads now. Not because I'm the most beautiful woman in the room, but because I carry myself like I am.
Now, I said some good, and some bad. Here's some of the bad. As I learned to love myself, I began to feel more and more unsettled in other aspects of my life. Specifically my relationship with my husband. I just felt unhappy with him. I was bored and lonely. I was frustrated. And on top of that, when I was talking about my latest scale victory, his comment was..."But I kind of liked you the way you were before". Suddenly, I realized I was no longer the girl he married. I'd finally learned who I was and realized I wanted something different. I wanted the great love story...or at least the chance to try to find it! After months of marriage counseling and trying everything under the sun to try to fix things, we came to conclusion that it was unfixable.
So, I'm at a point of feeling sad, scared, excited, and happy knowing that I'm about to embark on a whole new life. One that will be difficult at times but also will help me truly be the person I was meant to be!
Here is to new beginnings and self discovery! Here is to starting a journey that has been hard, easy, frustrating, exciting, and overall rewarding! Here is to Sparkpeople - the website that helped me along the way!! CHEERS!