Thursday, April 28, 2016
I need to back up to Tuesday night in order to tell this story properly. Tuesday I had a great day tracking everything I ate and I was 57 calories from the bottom. So I thought I'd reward myself with one Oreo. It would put me just over the threshold and I'd get a nice little treat to end my day. I went and sat down to enjoy one episode and before I knew it was back in the kitchen looking for ice cream. I told myself just one bite. So I took a bite and put it back. Then I came back for more and before I knew it I had eaten the last serving of ice cream. I guesstimated the portion and tracked it and it put me at the top of my range, but I was angry and frustrated with myself for having been weak and eating the ice cream.
I woke up in the morning still feeling defeated and frustrated, and I continued to beat myself up throughout the day. I even blamed the fact that my scooter was stolen on the fact that it was a punishment for the fact that I was weak. (Ridiculous, I know) I continued tracking Wednesday and allowed myself to eat sushi for dinner. It was awesome, on my way home I decided to stop in and weigh myself and what a surprise I was down 6.5 lbs!
As I drove home I laughed at how hard I had been on myself and I tried to figure out why I was beating myself up. I couldn't figure it out on my own, so I brought it up at book club. We are reading "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown and we spend a lot of time talking about forgiveness and living a wholehearted life. I told the women I was meeting with about the ice cream situation and they asked me if I beat myself up for every high calorie food I eat. I said no and then as we processed it together I realized that the reason I was beating myself up wasn't for the fact that I ate the ice cream, or that it put me at the high end of my range, but that ultimately it was because I ate the ice cream in secret and I gave into shame.
This realization was eye opening and I now know that I need to continue my work on self-love and forgiving myself. So this morning I stumbled across this little gem and placed an order. I will have a silver charm for 25 lbs. a bronze for 50 and a gold for 75. It will say So proud and it will be a reminder that I am doing great work and that I need to remember that!
I hope this helps some of my readers on their journey through weight loss, take your time be proud of how far you have come!