Eliminating Stressful People
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Some of you know that my only living child has incurable brain cancer, and my DH has Alzheimer's. These are true stressors.
So let me brag a little about something I did today that removes a lot of stress for me.
I eliminated my two sisters!!!
Of course there is a story behind that, so here goes:
years ago, I had a little son who was very ill. I let my family know and asked them for support. I heard nothing from any of them. After my little guy was 3 1/2 years old, he died. I again called my family and no word from them. They didn't send a card or attend the funeral. I didn't hear from them for over 10 years.
Then one day one of my sisters called to say they were both coming to visit me in California. I got all ready for them, excited that perhaps we could now bond.
Nope. They came with a written list (TRUE!) about all the things they did not like about me, or approve of me. They stayed for five days, and most of the time I spent crying and trying to please them. Didn't happen.
Time goes on. We move to Washington state, where one of those sisters live. I hoped we could have a relationship because we were only an hour away from each other.
She and her husband arrived at 6:30 P.M., had dinner, slept overnight and the next morning got in their car and drove away. That was in March.
The next heard from her was for Thanksgiving. DH and I were invited over to her house, we went, and had a decent time. There were quite a few people there whom we just met, and liked the conversations we had with them.
Next, my other sister's husband passed away. I learned of his passing five months after he was gone. I called my sister expressing sorrow over his passing. She was married to this man for nearly 50 years, so it is understandable she would not be her normal self.
I sent cards, emails, and phone calls. Not one of them received a reply. After a year of sending her cards, I stopped.
A year ago my only living child, my daughter, was diagnosed with an incurable brain cancer. At the same time DH was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
I contacted my two sisters asking them to send cards or notes or emails to my daughter so she would know she had support from them, and that they cared.
She never received a single word from either of them.
Then yesterday, one of those sisters wrote me an email about how she and her DH would "love to see" us again.
Right out of the BLUE!!
I took my time before responding, then wrote an email back to her.
I told her I love her, but am a bit angry and hurt that she wouldn't even bother to send DD a card in over a year. Told her I felt the same about the other sister.
I wrote that I do not want any hardship feelings with anyone, and think it best if we leave sleeping dogs lie.
She in turn wrote my DD a very hateful email. In that email she accused me of all kinds of things I did wrong over 34 years ago, some true, some not true. She also told my daughter that DD only thinks of herself, and that no one inquired as to how sister's life was this past year. No one asked to see her pictures of when she and her husband sailed in their yacht for six months, and she is "crushed" that we would be so self centered.
When she wrote the line "I don't think you have brain cancer; I think you are just trying to get attention" that really set me off.
So today I wrote her once again, apologizing for any wrongs I might have done to her, and that there is not any reason for us to stay in touch in any way.
I wished her happiness and good health.
Then I made it VERY clear that I do NOT want to hear from either one of them ever again.
Funny, but the scale doesn't reflect the 100 pounds off my body when I hit the send button!!
No more time for toxicity in my life, and sometimes I just have to take the action to clear up the fact that some people are simply toxic for me.
A great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I am so glad that I finally have the self esteem and self worth to get rid of the people who only want to fight.
As MLK said "Free at last, free at last. Thank God above, I am free at last!".