Maybe more tomorrow..

Thursday, April 07, 2016

That's how I ended my last blog, which was written almost 1.5 years ago.

I love Sparkpeople, I really do. And the fact that I don't spend more time here really does make me sad, but the majority of people who I connected with on here have become available to me on other social platforms so that's where we connect. I post a ton of stuff on my personal facebook page now related to weight loss that I would have never dreamed of posting from 2011-2014 and its great knowing my SP friends are there to cheer me on. Sparkpeople was my safe haven, but I'm done hiding. I want to share my journey with everyone in my life so that's what I do now. Some of my friends and family are annoyed and complain about my posts, but some people are truly inspired by me. That is why I do it. I want people to know they can do what they can with the cards they are dealt.

So what's new with me? I'm still over 200lbs (the lowest I saw was 209 Oct 2014 and I am 210 today), but I am becoming more and more ok with that. I'd love to be 180. It's just this number that is stuck in my head, but I have some amazing habits right now that I know are contributing to me letting go of the numbers. I still weigh in everyday and I can't imagine not doing that.. as much as I say I'd like not to stepping on the scale gives me the reassurance or kick in the butt I need to stay on track. My diet is where I struggle the most. Both with making sure I make the time to eat during the work day and making sure I'm making good choices the majority of the time. The last time I wrote here was the last day of my whole30 challenge. I'd love to do it again, but it was so restrictive and I said I never wanted to do something I didn't plan on doing for the rest of my life. My main struggle is being good all week and then the weekend gets way out of hand binging and then I get back in the groove during the week so I'm basically in this vicious cycle of gaining and losing all the time. I "maintained" my 100lbs weight loss fairly well. I did see my weight creep up at various points throughout the past 26 months, but that's going to happen. The important thing is that I accept it and keep trying my best.

The biggest change to my life is that I finally found my magic formula for working out and this is now the easiest part of my healthy lifestyle. I lost the majority of my weight via dreaded time on the elliptical totally feeling like I didn't belong at the gym. I literally tried everything since 2011 EXCEPT group fitness classes until Jan 2015. I now take 8 classes over the course of 6 days, but keep in mind I've been building up to this routine for a while. It all started with a friend and I trying Zumba on Monday nights.. I fell in love with a certain instructor's class so much that I started going to another location on Thursday nights just to attend and then back to my "home base" on Friday nights.. Most days while waiting for Zumba to start I'd watch the class before (LesMills Bodypump) and think to myself "I'd never be able to do that.." or "Those are like, 'real' athletes..". Well I started slow with this one.. I would take Pump before Zumba and while my weight wasn't moving like I'd hoped my whole body started to change. Then I decided to try Bodycombat on Thursday nights before Zumba. THIS WAS MY JAM! I loved Tae Bo as a teen and this was a lot like that! But I was still being mean to myself about not being "good enough" to attend classes like this. I wasn't being as consistent as I wanted to be and the thought of taking LesMills classes on consecutive days was just something "I couldn't do.." until I could. It wasn't until this past fall when I met another instructor who changed my whole level of motivation. She had just competed in an Ironman race and her drive was contagious. Simply meeting her got me to attend 3 more classes! WOW 8 IN WEEK! I pay $20 per month for unlimited classes at Xperience Fitness so it works out to about $0.50 per class.. lol suckers! My level of sweat is through the roof and I feel so proud of that. My sweat is my badge of honor (weird.. I know.). All of my instructors helped me disprove so many of the truths about myself I was certain of.. Julie shouldn't take Pump twice in a week, Julie wouldn't go to the gym on Saturday mornings, Julie couldn't be who she wanted to be. Julie lies. Even after losing 100lbs I still struggle with the mental aspect of all of this and being nice to myself.

I'm training for a 10k right now too in addition to my classes. I kind of hate it and I've signed up the past 2 years only to no show. As of last night I am officially up to 2 miles (right on training target!) and I ran the fastest ever! I've never gone past 7 for speed on the treadmill, but last night I blasted that guy up to 8 and sprinted for my last half mile. Like, really? Who am I? I only did it because someone else told me to.. I want to be enough for myself, but I rarely care about letting myself down, just others. I'm working on it.

The one thing I want to make sure I talk about here today in case anyone else reads this, or even just to remind myself, is that you need to believe in yourself. No matter what find ways to see who you truly are and what you're capable of. You will never know until you try. Surround yourself with positivity either here or in other ways.


Thank you SP.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Very inspiring blog!!! You are doing amazing!!
    Great job on that sprint!!
    1897 days ago
    I'm glad to see you here, but also glad we're FB friends and I know you haven't actually been gone!

    I'm on FB a lot less these days so a full and complete update here makes me emoticon !

    1898 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    Welcome back after 1 1/2 years.
    1898 days ago
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