When does childhood end?

When does childhood end? You know, the fear of silly things, the excitement over holidays like Christmas and Easter, the wonder over some of the simpliest things. I go for a walk and I never seem to get tired of the birds, the animals, the beautiful scenery that I see on my journey. Even when I am walking with my daughters, I feel the same kind of wonder that they feel. The same kind of excitement at the sight of an animal.

Christmas and Easter was full of the same kind of excitement. The look on their faces when they opened their Christmas gifts or saw their Easter candy. I still feel the same kind of excitement that they feel. When Christmas or Easter approaches, I still get the same kind of anxiousness, the excitement, the thrill.

This last Christmas and Easter were a little different though. This was the first Christmas and Easter without my mother. She passed away mid-June. I missed Mom very much, and it was difficult, but I still felt some of the same excitement. Even though I missed my mother, I still felt some of the same childish love of the holidays.

Today, my youngest found a mouse in the house. I am not afraid of the mouse. Oddly enough, I find that I can relate it to a Dr. Suess book. I am a single parent. Even though I was afraid, I managed to set the mousetrap, and deal with the dead mouse when it was caught. Sounds pretty grown-up, right? Wrong. Look at the size of a simple mouse. Why was I so scared of such a tiny thing? Even worse, why am I so creeped out by dealing with a dead mouse? I was shaking I was so scared.

Do we ever really grow up? Okay, I dealt with the mouse. That was grown-up, right? Why was I so afraid of the mouse though? Why am I so afraid of spiders? That does not sound very grown-up either. Maybe we never really grow up. Do I want to grow out of finding wonder in the simple things like birds and animals? Do I want to grow out of the childish excitement of Christmas and Easter? Sounds like a pretty boring world. If I have to give this up just to be a grown-up, then I don't think that I want anything of it. I will remain a child until the day that my time on this world is up. If that means I need to face a little fear, well then, will someone hold my hand?