Shades of Gray

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

No, not "that" book, the one I haven't actually read because I heard the writing was wretched and that it was abuse gussied up as an erotic romance (but no judgement from me if you did read it because I read Us Weekly and sometimes watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills so I'm not exactly riding the high horse of culture). "That book" that turned into a movie which I haven't seen but about which my 11 year old said this, when he saw the preview: "Wait! It's about INTERCOURSE?! I thought 50 Shades of Gray was about HAIR!" You can tell he has older parents, lol. No, I'm referring to all the shades between black and white, when it comes to life. I ferried back and forth between black and white for most of my life, determined not to linger in the middle. Right or wrong. Feast or famine. Fat or fit. Good or bad. Burden or blessing. Stay or leave. Now, I am consciously teaching myself to spend time in the shaded areas. Just because I remain uncomfortably heavy doesn't mean I can't respect my level of health and fitness and I don't have to always be self deprecating about it. I set the pace for my Fit School running group today and the women behind me were either less heavy, or younger, or both. Fat can layer over fit. Not insisting on black or white applies to many areas of my life. Just because I'm annoyed and frustrated with a volunteer position I hold, & a couple of the fellow volunteers, doesn't mean I say "forget it, I'm out". I can look at my part and correct any issues on my side and if, despite my best efforts it remains a micromanaging, control freaking environment that I'm not being paid to endure, then I can give ample notice and leave the position without leaving the organization in a huff. My husband and I are in a rough patch but just because we aren't working well as a couple right now doesn't mean we can't be loving members of our precious family, holding down the fort and keeping the peace until we can sort things out between us and grow closer once again. I am currently approaching food in a more shaded way. I do NOT respond well to challenges that stress avoiding numerous types of food. I attribute this to a number of things including the fact that I already abstain completely from alcohol and cigarettes and drugs including certain medications due to my recovery from addiction. I also have a long history of disorderly and rebellious eating that really gets triggered when I go the rigid deprivation route. I know from experience that if I'm willing to eat 50 grams of protein and some good nutrients before noon, I'm less likely to later attack food in the "raccoon in a trash can" mode that comes over me when I've neglected to feed my body what it needs, when it needs it. I can no more reason with myself about food when I'm overly hungry (& especially if I'm overly tired) than I could talk sense to a tantruming, tired, two year old. I'm not swearing off anything, I'm just steering around some things by eating more, and eating better, and eating earlier. It's kind of nice and sort of soothing here in the gray shaded spots. I believe I'll spend more time here. Thanks for visiting me here, and listening to me, lovely Sparklers.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FITNIK2020
    Decided to check out an earlier blog. It makes up for a lot of the garbage posts that pop up & you are funny !!! I'm going to keep watching for you. BTW I am in a funky grey area right now.
    1863 days ago
  • DAISY443
    emoticon emoticon
    1864 days ago
    Very well said. Life is about gray areas, and I too, sometimes find it hard to stay there. Cheers for seeing that!
    1864 days ago
    Ha Ha hair color!! Ahh man....your kid is awesome. Yes, gray...It's not easy for us all or nothing rebels is it? Good on ya for knowing you no longer have to live in extremes. I love your wisdom and insight and am so happy you are who you are!
    1864 days ago
    Do we call it compromise or do we call it getting wise?

    I'm thinking: wisdom!!
    1864 days ago
  • TEMPEST272002
    Great insights about yourself and the way black & white thinking can sabotage our efforts. I relate to a lot of this. As a "recovering perfectionist", the tendency to think perfect or nothing is still strong in me, but I'm aware of how destructive it can be & take steps to avoid that kind of thinking.
    1864 days ago
    Good blog...and I am a believer that gray is more likely reality...most thing are not black and white...the ones that are are truly bright white and deep black...but most are not and I think you need to spend time in Grayville! Your son just made me LOL with his comments! That's was wonderful! I didn't read the book or see the movie...not interested and not my kind of erotica! I totally got you on your having enough
    restraints and limitations without doing it with food, too! But there's a big difference between being forbidden and going for moderation...gray, but it's still doable!
    Hang in there my friend! You are not the only one with rough patches, frustrations and with a body that still isn't exactly what you want! We can do this! See ya on the pathway...
    1864 days ago
    Your boy cracks me up with what he says!! “I thought 50 Shades of Gray was about HAIR!” You can tell him, so did I . .. till I listened to people talk about it. Then I was 50 shades of RED.

    Ah yes, that all black or all white is for me a small symptom of perfectionism. DAILY BATTLE, but on a daily basis, it is managed. Definitely I have had to get it into my head that if I don’t expect OTHERS to be perfect (and I don’t) then I shouldn’t expect that of myself.

    I have to agree that the deprivation route as far as food goes never worked for me either. That’s what led me to join SP! I have had to figure out that gray area of nutrition for myself as having type 2 diabetes, it was important for my health. So it’s been an experiment of 1 since I joined to see what works (or not). That’s what is freeing, to me, about not arbitrarily knocking a whole food group off my roster (like carbohydrates). It about learning what you can or can’t handle – or rather, what your BODY can or cannot handle. And respecting that.

    For various reasons I think everyone has some things they just have to steer clear of. And it is so intelligent to DO SO when you realize that’s what your body needs.

    So, your message is wise. Know what you respond to (or not!) Avoid what you KNOW to be harmful or otherwise just not good for you. Respect what you know about your body. And be willing to change things up if situations change. THAT’s the hardest for me.

    ALL that is to say that you're not alone in needing to spend time in the gray zone!

    Wonderful to hear from you and give that boy of yours a huge hug.

    1864 days ago
  • PAIGE2017
    Keep your chin up and enjoy the little things (even the ones that are a shade of grey). Things will get better!
    1865 days ago
    You are really on to something! I enjoyed reading your blog!
    1865 days ago
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