I Like Big Butts?
Monday, March 28, 2016
So, I changed my goals up a bit. As I am sliding into my 50's, I've decided to be proactive and build a lot of muscle. We all know that muscle will help keep our metabolism stoked and it can't be a bad thing to have more muscle as I age, right?
I wore a pair of skinny jeans yesterday for Easter and I have to say, there was a HUGE moment of panic when I put them on. I am a true apple-shaped gal. I'm pretty sure it started in infancy. I've been rail thin but my stomach and waist always seem disproportionate to the rest of my body. Who knew back then had I just done a few ab exercises I probably could have had a six pack, but I digress.
These jeans fit my butt and legs. I mean, FIT. I freaked out. I'm used to not feeling pants on my legs. If I buy a size to fit my waist, I can count on them being baggy in my legs. I'm not that into fashion that I've sought out the perfect jeans (inexpensive works for me!). I walked into my daughter's room where the full length mirror is and gaped. I was dismayed. My daughter said, "Wow, mom, you actually have a pair of jeans that fit? They look good." Of course, I told her I was having a panic attack and to save it. LOL
Then I went downstairs and my husband said, "All that running and squats are paying off. You look great." Then I told him to shut up! LOL After much back and forth (he knows me well enough to see it coming), I accepted the fact that my jeans fit.
I'm not going to lie. There is a part of my brain that is rebelling. Today I had the ugly thought that if I just high carb it, do boat loads of cardio and skip the protein and strength training, I'm probably not too far gone. I can get back my "skinny" legs. After all, for almost 48 years thats been my comfort zone. I know, logically, that I'm actually going to look better in time. I always compared my body to an egg when the chick got his legs out but the rest was still stuck in the egg. I didn't even acknowledge that the jeans were super comfortable around my waist. The fact that my middle is losing didn't register. I could only focus on my "fat" legs.
I measured my thighs this morning. They are just under 22". That's not horrible but in my 30's they were 19". You can understand my panic.
However, I'm not quitting. I KNOW that muscle is good for me. I have so much muscle know I can actually feel the tightness in my legs and butt when I walk or run. That has never happened to me in my life. I'm not going to give in to my old mindset that skinnier is better. I know many "skinny fat" people who are incredibly unhealthy but they are tiny. I'm staying with what I know I want (or I think I want?! Lol)
Thanks for letting me release the crazy! It's been swirling around since yesterday. I try not to let on how much this stuff affects me in front of my kids. They have such a healthy body image and relationship with food and I try desperately to not let them see how twisted I am. Just because I don't say it aloud, doesn't mean it's not there!