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Co-Dependency Insight #1 - I'm the "Hero"

Saturday, March 26, 2016

This morning was the second week of family group therapy with DS (as of today he is 8 days sober emoticon The topic for today was codependency. I am working through a book on codependency also, so I knew this subject would hit close too home. In fact, the entire discussion applied much more to me than to DS.

The facilitator listed some key roles played by Adult Children of Alcoholics. Although I did not grow up in an addicted home, I was raised by emotionally abusive parents, so the roles still applied. Here are the personality traits of a hero:

Responsible
Self-efficient
Good Student
Parents Younger Children
Successful

The problem is that as an adult, "heroes" tend to be controlling. The facilitator said that this personality tends to want to provide a soft cushion for the addict to fall on, to protect them from hitting rock bottom. I told my son that it wasn't about protecting him. Having grown up in an abusive household, I was trying to protect myself and provide myself (and my husband) with the least damaging situation. Of course that didn't work, did it? If someone is hell bent on self-destruction, there's really nothing we can do to stop them.

Boundary setting is the next part of the book I'm reading, but I think I will work on that tomorrow.
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