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Day 589 Knee is bad but dad is worse....

Friday, March 25, 2016

If I am sitting completely still my knee does not hurt. It isn't even too hard to walk if I lock it and don't bend it. But getting up and sitting down are terrible. I can't get a new knee yet. I don't have a support system in place or enough money to pay for the surgery and the drugs you need afterwards.....

But even worse than being in pain was my visit to the doctor with my dad today. Usually we let him go on his own. But we've discovered that he never asks any questions and has no idea what they tell him. With me in the room they asked him questions off a depression test. His answers completely shocked me. He says he feels like a failure and has no good reason to still be alive. I know those feelings well but seeing someone you love answer those questions and tell you he feels like a failure is really upsetting. He has enough money in the bank to live in a very comfortable assisted living situation for 5 years with my mother. They've been married for 67 years. But they also have enough stocks and investments to be very comfortable for a good 20 more years. But he feels like he's let his family down.

There is going to have to be some soul searching on my end. I've had treatment for depression on and off for almost 30 years. I've been in some pretty dark places and I live with chronic pain from osteoarthritis.

Today was long I did not go up the stairs to my sewing room but took my pain meds (that I don't like to take). I did sit on the couch and crochet a while and I napped. Tomorrow I need to get back on my schedule and get this quilt done.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ZRIE014
    my wife had that problem until she had replacement surgery.
    1466 days ago
  • RAMONA1954
    Yes it's hard to watch.
    1466 days ago
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