"The cure for anything is saltwater: sweat, tears, or the sea." - Isak Dinesen
It's a beautiful, balmy, sunny Sunday morning in Southern California, and I'm outside catching some rays for a dose of Vitamin D... and to be alone, to regroup emotionally.
It's been a weird week: past the worst of DH's health setbacks, and through another anniversary of DS Scott's death, I should be bouncing back and ready for Life again.
Instead, it's been hard to feel motivated to do any basic household tasks, let alone my ever-growing "To Do" list. Even the simplest gotta-get-it-done stuff feels overwhelming.
I decided to take a break this morning, put aside the guilt and pressure, and headed for the cliffs... no, not to jump off! For the ocean waves, the salty breeze, the peace and calm.
Are these strange feelings because I'll hit a milestone birthday (60) later this year? Or because I'm clinging to every moment with DH, still afraid I'll lose him to ill health?
And yet, I also long to be in Colorado with DD, so I can be a hands-on Grandma and help her and SIL with GD Sierra; to watch her grow up in person, and not on the electronics.
I'm not apprehensive about what could (or will) happen to me in the future, logistically or legally, because DH and I have prepared well for all contingencies. So, what's up?!?
It's time to use this beautiful setting to my advantage and relax, meditate, contemplate...
... JUST BREATHE!!!