So, my Sparkfriends, since this is the only safe space for me to vent about family problems:
It all started Sunday night. DS, 21, was banned from hard alcohol because (a) he is an angry drunk and (b) it doesn't mix well with his medications. Sunday night he went out with a friend. He had some money and came back with snacks. I thought all was good.
Monday night - DS started slamming around the house around midnight. I came out of my bedroom and asked him to try to be more quiet so I could sleep (I am the only one working at the moment). He got a little belligerent. He proceeded to slam doors for the next few hours.
Tuesday - had a talk with DS while he was sober. He apologized for his behavior and said he had a couple shots of rum. Said he had dumped out the bottle. I don't usually have access to his bedroom and (stupidly) trusted him.
Wednesday - my birthday. Hubby took me out to a nice dinner and bought me some clothes. Came home and DS had bought me beautiful mini roses.
He was very upset. He had dropped his brand new cell phone on the way to his car and cracked the screen. The swipe feature wasn't working and the phone was barely functional. He couldn't make phone calls or answer texts. I gave him a hug and we told him we would get him a replacement (cheap) phone in the morning. A little bit later I heard him moaning and crying in his bedroom. I asked if I could come in. He was distraught. He said he had plans with two different friends and now they would think he was a total flake and no one would want to be friends with him again. I tried to comfort him but he wouldn't take it.
I went to bed and started to fall asleep (hubby has insomnia so he is awake most of the night). At 10:30 pm I woke up to DS slamming around again. I got up and we tried to calm him down. I don't have a good time frame for the next few hours. It's kind of a nightmarish blur. At some point he took a baseball bat to every wall in his room, plus his two lamps and his broken phone. We should have called the police but we didn't want him to go to jail. Hubby finally convinced DS he was having a crisis and took him to our 24 hour mental health center. Meanwhile, I dumped the bottle of rum and hid the baseball bat. Mental health crisis center refused to see DS because he was drunk. Told us to take him to detox. Local detox was full which meant we had to take him to ER. Unfortunately, DS has had some bad luck at ER in the past (not alcohol related) so he refused to go. Hubby brought him back home. He finally passed out around 4 am. I stayed up until 5 with hubby to make sure DS was asleep. Got about 5 hours and went in late to work.
Thursday was okay. DS cried a lot. He wants to go into rehab. Hubby called around and found a rehab that had a room available AND would take our insurance. This was late in the day so we had to wait until Friday to complete the plans.
Friday - Stayed home from work. We spent so much time on the phone trying to get Kaiser to help us, it was ridiculous. First, DS had to have a phone screening with the Psych Department to be sure he wasn't suicidal. Then hubby spent hours with the Chemical Dependency Recovery Program. They are who we need to get a referral from for the rehab facility. They couldn't squeeze us in and wouldn't talk to DS over the phone. First available appointment was Monday. They said if things got worse to take him to the ER.
DS woke up late and was very upset that he couldn't go to rehab that night. He took a shower and went out with some friends. Came home slightly agitated. Throughout the night he was in and out of his bedroom every 20 minute or so, slamming around. When he was in his room he was alternately raging and wailing. Hubby woke me up at 6:30 am and told me he felt that DS was in crisis again. I called 911. The police came and DS was mostly polite, although obviously wasted (slurring his words and stumbling). He refused to go to detox. Police said he hadn't done anything illegal, so they couldn't force him to go. That may have been the worst, most helpless moment of my life. I had probably seen hubby cry two or three times before this week. He has been bawling like a baby nearly every day seeing our son such a wreck. An hour after the police left we got DS to go back to his room and he passed out. We went back to bed about 9 am.
Saturday - I woke up around 3 pm and just agonized about what to do. When hubby got up, we decided we would give an ultimatum. DS woke up around 8 p.m. and had no recollection of anything that happened (including the police visit). I gave him a brief rundown and we told him he needed to go to detox that night. He politely refused. Hubby and I regrouped and asked him what he had taken. Kava, benadryl, wine and malt liquor. Confiscated the kava and benadryl. DS was exhausted. The night was thankfully uneventful.
Sunday - One more day to go until his appt with CDRP. We have been warned that their recommendation is almost always a two week day program. There is no way that will work. Their facility is in a different town and we only have one working vehicle. Plus he NEEDS detox. Hubby is going to the appt with DS since I have to work and he has the ombudsman (and our lawyer) on speed dial if necessary. This child is screaming for help and no one wants to listen.
Please, if you pray, say one for our family. Hubby and I need rest and our son needs to get the help he desperately wants and needs.
Got on the scale yesterday and I had lost two pounds since Saturday (although I don't recommend this weight loss plan for anyone!)
As always thank you for listening.