Friday, March 11, 2016
I am once again experiencing hunger. And it's ok. In fact it's more than ok..I'm enjoying the feeling of being hungry. When I read or hear people saying they are emotional eaters, I nod my head in understanding but I'm not really sure I do understand. Some people are presented with a stressor. They react or they don't react. And then in private or later based on that stressful event, they eat their feelings. I mean...I grasp the idea. I just can't say that was me. Because of the hunger.
Hunger is many things. For some, it's a minor annoyance. For others and I don't mean to downplay this in ANY way, it's a chronic condition brought on by deplorable conditions. For me, it's a sign that my body is reawakening & actually functioning properly. I'm not mindlessly feeding myself anything & everything I can get my hands on to quiet down any feelings or any emotions. I'm not dulling what I'm feeling with sugar & starch. Of course this is alien territory. And it's a learning process. Today for instance...I let myself get TOO hungry & I got the shakes & before I knew it, my car was aimed for the nearest Starbuxx with a drivethru. Lesson learned. Start carrying something with me at all times. A granola bar. Small packs of nuts. In cooler weather...a cheese stick or yogurt. Water wasn't working...so for any of you thinking of telling a woman who hasn't yet broken out of the 300s to stave off her hunger with WATER...just forgetaboutit!!!
Coming out of the sugar coma means I am going to have to deal with my feelings (good and bad), my emotions (positive and negative), and other people. I can't just nod my head & stuff my face. But do you know what I CAN do? When I'm angry or frustrated or furious, I can go for a WALK. I can clean a bathroom. I can empty a drawer, re-fold the contents & put them all back. When I'm sad...I can journal. I can call a friend. I can blog on SPARK people. I can watch a funny movie or a sad movie...to let it ALL out. And when I'm happy I can HUG the people I love. I can complement random strangers. I can send $10 to a go-fund me account. I don't have to eat & I don't have to stuff my feelings down. Like the hunger that I am FEELING...I can feel ALL of my feelings. They are ok. They are acceptable. There is nothing wrong with them...or with me.