I Am Random and Erratic
Wednesday, March 09, 2016
So, I'm depressed. Out front and in the open I said it. But I'm also paranoid to a small extent, which goes hand in hand with my anxiety. I mean, yesterday I posted a blog, then deleted it not too long after because I thought, "no one wants to read your boohoo crap." in spite of a few responses already (thank you) but still, I kept thinking it looked like I was fishing for sympathy, and I'm not. I was having a really really really super sh!tty day, and it didn't get any better. Today might be a hair better. Maybe. Anyhow, I will seem exactly as the title of the blog says... random and erratic, because lately I am. Sometimes I want to share, but tell myself, don't share, then it's be honest about myself, or hide it, pretend things are fine, or be real then I think, who cares.... One minute I'll be ready to get it all out, then the next minute I'm all smiles so no one can tell! Anyhow... this isn't a ploy for pity or anything like that, I'm just trying to explain what probably appears as brain malfunction... well, because mine is lately and it's affecting so much, too. I can't concentrate on work, writing, reading, or pretty much anything and I find nothing "fun" any more. I redid my page in the ocean and beaches because I do really wish I could disappear there, alone, for a while. Pressure and worry and feelings of inadequacy abound in my sad little head. One positive note... I've been eating a healthy lunch each day this week, and that's as far as the positivity goes. So, if I seem to bitch about something, or I seem suddenly sad, or I seem suddenly peachy... it's just me being random and erratic.