Kicking my own butt
Wednesday, March 09, 2016
Honestly, i started doing the zumba world tour yesterday and i feel like i kept up as best that i could. i had to stop and pause the game and get my heart rate down because i thought for sure i was going to have a heart attack.
I started this journey a year ago and i feel like i am still one square one. I am a hole wopping 7 pounds under the weight i started with but i am still fighting with thw 270's.
I dont wanna be here anymore i dont wanna be this heavy. I know alot of it is losing my midivation and as my husband says i have a two week goal length. Aka after two weeks im board and i am ready to move on to something else. Which i really just cant do anymore!!!!!
When i started my weight loss i had this vision in my head of having an amazing weight loss body. That i could take on stage and do bakini compations with. And i had so many people tell me that that was impossible that i started to believe it.
But know i am finding that the body building goal is what i want and i am bowned and determined to make it happen.
One pound at a time i have alot of people trying to push me to lose pounds a week and drop all the weight in a year and i know its not healthy plus i dont want the extra skin they are dealing with.
I know my 8 year old self would be ma d to see me this fat. So why do i just want to continue to be this way. That must be it, i must deep down believe that i desrrve to walk around this way for the rest of my life. But thats not true i deserve to be light and skinny and lose the extra 100 pounds i dont need to protect myself with anymore