500-999 SparkPoints 960

Who Am I?

Thursday, March 03, 2016

I am currently experiencing an identity crisis. I don't know who I am anymore. Just over five months ago I was living in Seattle, working in a call center that was about to close (the department moved to Canada). The lease for my apartment was about to expire and I couldn't afford the new rent. I knew I was going to be out of a job within a few months, so I didn't want to sign another lease somewhere and be stuck. After much discussion, I decided to move to Oregon to be closer to my family, and to stay with my parents until I got a job down here. Unfortunately, my mom is "allergic" to cats, so I was not able to have my babies with me. Luckily, my brother lives fairly close and agreed to care for my cats while I am at my parents.

I expected to find a job fairly quickly and had enough money to cover my personal expenses for about 4 months. Unfortunately, I have not yet been able to find a job, and the job prospects are pretty light in the area where my parents live. Since I don't have a car, and there is no public transportation where we are, I can't commute to a larger city that is an hour away. With every application submitted, every wait for a call, every interview that doesn't pan out, my confidence sinks another notch lower. Add to that my chronic depression and anxiety and things have been pretty shaky.

My parents live in a small town and there are not a lot of people around. I've looked into meet up groups and book clubs in the area, but haven't been able to turn up anything yet. So I sit home and work on my computer, playing games, posting to my blog, and doing a lot of reading. There are days that I don't even get dressed. And the weather has kept me inside most of the time I've been here, though over the past week we are finally seeing some warmer temperatures and a few dry days.

I have always identified myself in 3 ways- by my job, as a blogger, and as a cat mom. Now my blog is suffering because I have nothing to write about, I have no job, my beautiful baby girl kitty died suddenly a month ago (she got really sick), and I only get to see my baby boy kitty a total of 5 days a month if it works out with my brother's schedule. So I really don't know how to define myself now. Who am I without my kitties, without my blog, without a job? At this point the only identity that I can really come up with- that's positive anyway- is bookworm.

I need to figure out who I am again, or create a new identity. The first step is to become active again and maybe create some new virtual friendships until I can find friends locally. So I've re-joined Spark after many years away. I found a virtual book club. I'm changing my blog content to be more book related, since that's what I can talk about. Hopefully all of this will help me to figure out my next steps, and maybe give me back the confidence I need.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1550 days ago
  • RHOOK20047
    Welcome back to SparkPeople. We are all here for the same reason, no matter what our personal story is. We are here to help each other to get to that healthy point we want to be in our lives. It is not going to be easy, but it is attainable. Make small goals and they will lead to big successes. You have to make you #1 and tell yourself that you are worth it. If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else. I know the stress of unemployment only too well. Being 62 in the I/T field is not easy to find and keep work. I only find contract work. It is hell on your diet for sure. Don't give in to emotional eating. And since you have time, exercise more. It will help. Kills time and makes you feel better. Use the time wisely. You can do it! We are here to help! Welcome back and get active on this site. emoticon
    1550 days ago
  • LADY7777
    P.S. Look for writing gigs. Many companies and small business owners need content writers, social media coordinators, and bloggers.
    1550 days ago
  • LADY7777
    Some suggestions to help. Since you've identified being a bookworm and blogger....while you still apply to jobs, checkout doing some freelance work. Two websites include: elance.com and freelancer.com. Good luck to you!
    1550 days ago
    Not to minimize all that's going on with you, but your intelligence is undeniable. This is a very well written post and you express yourself well. I'm a book person too, and I believe your future is quite bright. Please don't give up.
    1550 days ago
    I will pray for you. You are on the right path start your own book club on line, find your place and the redefinition will happen try to stay positive. I am sorry about your cat we love our fur babies and it hurts when we lose them.
    1550 days ago
  • JCLJR4547
    1550 days ago
    I live in Oregon also where do u live. I also live in a very small town, it's outside of Dallas oregon
    1550 days ago
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