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Here we go again...

Sunday, February 28, 2016

So here goes, new to sparkpeople. Tonight, I feel like I'm doubting myself. Doubting my future sucess, doubting my commitment level, doubting that I even have it in me...again. I've started this process so many times. I have the knowledge, I yearn for the results, I trust the process, I already know what it feels like to reach the goals; I've lost 100+ lbs before. But gained almost all of it back. It was 2011, day after thanksgiving, I picked up a chocolate chip cookie, ate it, then noticed the nutrition facts. Those 300 calories got me interested. So I started researching what those calories meant and found out my bmr and what I should consume to lose weight. I went absolutely crazy, obsessive. Eating way less than I should. Ate horrible processed foods, like frozen diet meals, prepackaged 100 calorie packs and so on. I did it the wrong way, granted I lost 130 pounds, in only 8 months, but I had no energy, the only thing that felt good was seeing the numbers going down on the scale and fitting into the clothes I always wanted to wear. Yes, that felt good, but the way I was doing this was hurting my body. I slowly started adding worse and worse foods until I was back in full blown food addiction. I slowly went back up from a size 12 to now a size 20 having to go to specialty shops to buy clothes. In the last few years I've attempted to lose it again, the healthy way. I get so motivated and excited, do everything perfect for a few weeks or months, then give it all up. I want consistency. I need to learn from the predecessors who know how to get past the struggles, get through the guilt, learn from mistakes, push through the pain. For now, I'm just thinking about the things that are motivating me to start all over again. My 9 year old son is my entire life, I need to be here for him. I want the energy, love of life, glow that a healthy lifestyle brings. I want to shop where I want again, feel confident. I want to be strong. I don't want to fight to get up the stairs anymore. I want to fit in a rollercoaster seat, I want to lay on a beach with a bikini on, I want to look in the mirror and feel so full of pride I could burst. So I signed up for this site. I never wrote a blog entry on anything ever, I'm doing something different, this is way outside my comfort zone. Telling people how I really feel, letting my guard down. Maybe this is the change I need. Asking for help and motivation and support. I want to love myself. So here's to a fresh start, onwards as upward from here!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD15565988
    I'm starting again today too!
    1449 days ago
    You can achieve your goals. You have all the tools you need and you know exactly what does and doesn't work. You got this!
    1449 days ago
  • NIKKI0668
    You can and will succeed with the help of all of us on Sparkpeople. :)
    1449 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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