50,000-59,999 SparkPoints 53,471

Truth Telling

Friday, February 26, 2016

I'm going to spread a little truth on my spark friends right now. I've never openly talked about the numbers that currently represent my weight, mostly out of embarrassment, but I think if I want to overcome my current challenge it's time to speak my truth and ask for help.

At my last weigh in I was 302 lbs. This is significantly lighter than I was when I started 11 months ago and I am extremely proud of far I have come, but I am finding struggles both externally and internally that are making it difficult for me to not lose track and keep progressing forward.

First of all, my stress at work is more overwhelming than I have ever experienced. I have a difficult set of parents who are being mean and causing my team and me a great deal of stress. This and other stressors in my job leave me feeling inadequate and anxious on an almost constant basis. Another external factor is in dating. I decided in January that I would try online dating again and I started dating a man who I was enjoying spending my time with, but at some point in the last week I feel like things have shifted and he's no longer interested. Once again leaving me feeling inadequate and anxious.

I do realize that both of these stressors are really more about my own issues of anxiety and feelings of inadequacies and believe me when I say that I am working on them with licensed professionals, but considering my issues the external factors REALLY don't help me overcome the challenges.

As for the internal factors I already mentioned my diagnosed anxiety and the feelings of inadequacy but I am also now at the same weight I was 5 years ago when I fell of the wagon the first time. I know I shouldn't let the past get in the way of my future goals, but I can't help but wonder how much of my barriers lately can be attributed to my fear of failure and not being able to break into the 200's.

Either way I have not been able to control my emotional eating or my impulse control when it comes to my eating habits. The difficult part for me is and always has been sweets and I cannot say no to them right now.

I'll take any tips or tricks and support. Thankfully working out is still going well, it's just a food thing for me. HELP!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1377 days ago
    I applaud you for blogging about this. I think everyone should come out of the closet. The truth is it seems like everyone is self conscious about their weight. Even I and I'm 156. It may seem like I'm a lightweight but I feel just like you do. So it just goes to show how weight is a relatve thing. I wish you well Just keep at it and you will make it towards your goal :)
    1378 days ago
    It's so great that you reached out through your blog. Sounds like your job is stressful. I'm assuming you work in a school or daycare setting and indeed, parents can be difficult to deal with. My sister works in a daycare and I have babysat since I was old enough too, seems the parents are sometimes harder to deal with than taking care of the kids lol.

    It's natural for people to lose interest and I can understand that you feel anxious and inadequate but you are so much more than someone's interest in you! Stuff at work, dealing with difficult people, often has nothing to do with us. It's about them. Take a deep breath, and just focus on doing your best at work (and for yourself as well!).

    You deserve to feel good about yourself. You're working hard all around and making progress, and you're working on improving yourself. Those are the things that matter most!

    emoticon If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to send me a message on here :)
    1378 days ago
    "I have a difficult set of parents who are being mean and causing my team and me a great deal of stress."

    Huh? What does your parents have to do with your teams and your stress? Isn't this your journey, not theirs?
    1378 days ago
    Your not inadequate you just proved it! Just letting your feelings out! Good for you ! Try to get some execise to help your mood it sure helps me ! Good luck you can do this !
    1378 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.