Truth Telling

I'm going to spread a little truth on my spark friends right now. I've never openly talked about the numbers that currently represent my weight, mostly out of embarrassment, but I think if I want to overcome my current challenge it's time to speak my truth and ask for help.

At my last weigh in I was 302 lbs. This is significantly lighter than I was when I started 11 months ago and I am extremely proud of far I have come, but I am finding struggles both externally and internally that are making it difficult for me to not lose track and keep progressing forward.

First of all, my stress at work is more overwhelming than I have ever experienced. I have a difficult set of parents who are being mean and causing my team and me a great deal of stress. This and other stressors in my job leave me feeling inadequate and anxious on an almost constant basis. Another external factor is in dating. I decided in January that I would try online dating again and I started dating a man who I was enjoying spending my time with, but at some point in the last week I feel like things have shifted and he's no longer interested. Once again leaving me feeling inadequate and anxious.

I do realize that both of these stressors are really more about my own issues of anxiety and feelings of inadequacies and believe me when I say that I am working on them with licensed professionals, but considering my issues the external factors REALLY don't help me overcome the challenges.

As for the internal factors I already mentioned my diagnosed anxiety and the feelings of inadequacy but I am also now at the same weight I was 5 years ago when I fell of the wagon the first time. I know I shouldn't let the past get in the way of my future goals, but I can't help but wonder how much of my barriers lately can be attributed to my fear of failure and not being able to break into the 200's.

Either way I have not been able to control my emotional eating or my impulse control when it comes to my eating habits. The difficult part for me is and always has been sweets and I cannot say no to them right now.

I'll take any tips or tricks and support. Thankfully working out is still going well, it's just a food thing for me. HELP!