Depression rears it's ugly head
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Today is definitely not a day to list in the happy column. For the last week I have been struggling trying to keep my depression at bay. Sunday wasn't great either, I stayed in bed most of the day but I thought after that I would come around. But alas here I am again today staying home from work and not wanting to participate in life.
My depression started in 2013 when I lost an aunt who was like my second mom. She had lost twin girls in child birth before I was born. My mom named me after them and my aunt told me that I was the daughter she never had. There was a bond between us that couldn't be explained. I took care of her in the last weeks of her life and slowly watched her die.
She and my mom were extremely close, my dad died in 1990 and my uncle died in 1992. After this my mom and aunt (her sister) were inseparable. I knew that when my aunt died it would kill my mom and it did. The moment I told her she aged before my eyes and was never the same. Her health started failing, she got dementia and had to live with me so I could be her care giver. She was my life. I know she loved me so much but it just wasn't enough to keep her fighting to live. Her heart was broken from the loss of her sister and she couldn't overcome it.
I went into a huge depression after my mom's death in Feb 2015. That along with my aunt's death and some things that decided to bubble up from the past that I had buried and never wanted to deal with caused me to feel hopeless and worthless. I seemed to be getting better until recently. I really don't care about anything right now and cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel. My weight is totally out of control because I eat to try and soothe my hurt but as you can tell from this post it's not working.
I really don't want to go back to total hopeless so I am asking for prayers and any advice that I can get from my spark family.
I know this is a depressing post and for that I apologize but getting my feelings out to people I know will care and that has possibly gone thru something similar is a wonderful feeling.
Thanks for "listening".
Donna aka sassygirl