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Depression rears it's ugly head

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Today is definitely not a day to list in the happy column. For the last week I have been struggling trying to keep my depression at bay. Sunday wasn't great either, I stayed in bed most of the day but I thought after that I would come around. But alas here I am again today staying home from work and not wanting to participate in life.

My depression started in 2013 when I lost an aunt who was like my second mom. She had lost twin girls in child birth before I was born. My mom named me after them and my aunt told me that I was the daughter she never had. There was a bond between us that couldn't be explained. I took care of her in the last weeks of her life and slowly watched her die.

She and my mom were extremely close, my dad died in 1990 and my uncle died in 1992. After this my mom and aunt (her sister) were inseparable. I knew that when my aunt died it would kill my mom and it did. The moment I told her she aged before my eyes and was never the same. Her health started failing, she got dementia and had to live with me so I could be her care giver. She was my life. I know she loved me so much but it just wasn't enough to keep her fighting to live. Her heart was broken from the loss of her sister and she couldn't overcome it.

I went into a huge depression after my mom's death in Feb 2015. That along with my aunt's death and some things that decided to bubble up from the past that I had buried and never wanted to deal with caused me to feel hopeless and worthless. I seemed to be getting better until recently. I really don't care about anything right now and cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel. My weight is totally out of control because I eat to try and soothe my hurt but as you can tell from this post it's not working.

I really don't want to go back to total hopeless so I am asking for prayers and any advice that I can get from my spark family.

I know this is a depressing post and for that I apologize but getting my feelings out to people I know will care and that has possibly gone thru something similar is a wonderful feeling.

Thanks for "listening".

Donna aka sassygirl

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Depression is very hard and medication and therapy can help. I've struggled with depression for 50 years and have had good times and bad times. It helps me to get outside and spend some time in nature feeling the sun on my face and hearing birds sing. I hope things get better and brighter for you soon.

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    1822 days ago
    Okay, I have been diagnosed with severe clinical Depression. When I have it, I can't do anything but lie down and stare at a television set. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I don't move I just lie there. The only thing that gets me through it is the knowledge that it will eventually lift and I will feel better. And it does lift and I do feel better. I haven't had a bout of Depression in about 4 years. I am on three different types of anti depressants that keep the Depression at bay. I just want you to know that though you don't feel it now, it too will pass. You will get better and resume life again. I wish you the best, I truly do. fredie
    1827 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7070285
    Dear Donna,

    I've suffered depression on and off starting from around 2002, probably longer. There have been times when I "coped" with it and got through (mild depression), there have been other times when I had to reach out to a therapist & yet other times when I required a professional plus medication to get myself out of the hole. I've been through the spectrum!

    My prayers are going up for you now!

    1827 days ago
  • LPORTER2015
    Our God is a healer...a provider...a comforter...My friend I just lost my mother in December so I know how hard it is to find peace and comfort, but I know that God gives me a more positive look at life so don't give up...Open your Bible and read scriptures to help you...Here's a few that help me get through my bad days:

    He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

    He was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities ; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

    And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

    Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee; he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22

    1827 days ago
    1827 days ago
    I don't think you ever need to apologize for sharing. It's good for you to get it out!

    It sounds like you've been through so much. Not everyone has that kind of capacity to be a caregiver like that, you should be very proud of that.

    My only advice after dealing with depression myself is to reach out. If you have anyone living close to you that you can confide in and help you to get out of the house, I found that very helpful Honestly, the other thing I found helpful is a therapist. Some people think it's taboo, but I don't think I'd be alive without her. She's helped me get back to a point where I can compartmentalize enough to go to work and get my job done, to be a mom to my kids, to get those necessary things in life done, without constantly falling apart.

    And I hope you continue to reach out on here!!
    1827 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14402600
    Never feel bad about sharing your bad times on here. That's what friends are for.
    1827 days ago
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