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Tuesday, February 09, 2016

I know I was doing good for a bit. I do sign on everyday and read an article or 2. I like information. I want to grow. I've lost track of how long I haven't taken meds for my depression, this has always been the process; suffer go to the doctor "finally" get back on meds. feel much better for a few months then the meds fail. Then I think I can go without because I hate the annoying process. Yes I hate it. And the fact I will always battle this disease. Over the years I have tried counsoling, I must say its been probably 5 years or so. Not sure I want to get into the expense.. Life is so darn expensive and with my little paycheck of part time hours, its difficult to justify it.
I made sure I had a good breakfast this morning. And pushed myself to get dressed as I had notes all over the house to GET OUT of the house. Needing to return the library books and do my tax return. So I feel accomplished. Over all those little things will add up. I just need to get the "heaviness" to lift. Physically my back is hurting could because I lifted soil last night at work. I just recovered from a horrible stomach bug over the weekend on top of woman stuff, so I was mesirble. to the point I had to call out of work, ugh that's gonna suck on the paycheck. Its been a super hard year already. Somethings have resolved others well more serious and out of my control. Kind of a wait and see. Which I may need help coping with. I don't do that well with wait and see. This is so sounding like a pity party blog. Sorry that's just how bad ive been feeling and i'm still feeling. But I did get out of the house.
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  • no profile photo CD15597073
    Hugs! Keep doing what you can.
    1915 days ago
    The pictures on your spark page show you smiling and happy and have someone in your life and you have pets and places to go hiking and site seeing and you say he accepts you for who you are. Sounds pretty pleasant to me. It's amazing we can have all the support possible around us and still not able to lift up from what seems like some kind of burden. I was on pristiq, until I stopped taking after a year or so, because I wanted to feel again. And I felt and didn't like it, but am doing better.
    1915 days ago
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