So I just decided to go for it...
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Today I jogged. I know that seems silly, but it was huge for me. I have this obnoxious knee condition that causes dislocations, which in turn leads to spraining of the ligaments. After my second major injury I became a wimp. I was constantly scared of dislocating, and starting modifying my movement in order to prevent injury. We were uninsured, and if I destroyed my knee I wouldn't be able to afford to get it fixed. I couldn't handle the idea of a crippling injury, so instead I stopped doing anything that caused a dislocation. No running, jumping, pivoting, or dancing. I went from dislocating my kneecap multiple times a day, to just multiple times a week, to every once in a while. I'm careful. PAINFULLY careful. I can feel it coming, and I've learned how to prevent big issues.
But recently I've been asking myself how big of a deal it really is. I haven't dislocated in a long time, so maybe I'm remembering wrong. Maybe I'm exaggerating the memories. Maybe I can do more than it feels like I can do.
So today, as my kids and I walked our dog I began to pick up the pace. Then I decided to go for it. I've got insurance now, the worst that could happen is I have to call an ambulance to peel me off of the pavement, right? So I jogged.
AND. IT. FELT. GREAT!
My knee cap slipped twice, and I realized it was super stupid to attempt without a brace. BUT I JOGGED! I feel like I reacted to the fear of an injury so much that I actually made my knee weaker, allowed myself to gain even more weight, and otherwise failed at taking care of my body.
So jogging again may be a little ways out, but I'm going to start pushing a bit. I'm going to get the physical therapy I need, and one day not only will I jog-- I will run. That's right, I'm admitting that deep dark secret that has always seemed ridiculous. I want to be a runner. One of those strong healthy girls who is always signing up for one run or another. One day...