MUMU2BIKINI

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Upset.(Insert Pity Party)

Friday, January 29, 2016

Hey spark friends.

Well, this week I was really great. I actually hit a 10 lb loss in less than a month. I cant believe I did that. I've never done that (at least not where i can remember). I have been 100% on my meal plan down to measuring and weighing every single meal. I have worked out 5 days a week doing cardio and lifting.

Yesterday I gained a pound. And this morning I gained another 1.2 lbs.

That hit me. HARD.

To many of you, I'm sure you are thinking 'its just normal body fluctuation' or any other sweet excuse to help me. And I love you for that...to me??

I failed.

And that is making tears come down my face as I write this.

Failure is really hard for me. It drums up my family junk. Where my mother always told me I would fail whenever I wanted to try and do something for myself (run marathons, lose weight, compete in a bodybuilding bikini competition etc) So when I DO fail, I prove her right. She gets another notch in her belt and my self esteem and confidence take a huge hit.

I felt amazing this week, and then to have the gain is like a reminder that I am trying to achieve something ridiculously tough. And the reality is, my mother could be right. I may likely fail. My body hates losing weight (seriously). Drs have TOLD me its going to be tough for me to lose (thank you hormones) and I'm just...

Honestly? I'm having a pity party.

Needed to get this out. Praying I dont emotionally eat or binge today to supress these feelings of failure. So thankful I will be seeing my trainer today. Hoping she can 'jillian michaels' these thoughts right out of me.

Sorry for the downer. Hope you all have an amazing day.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TRAVELINGGURU
    Hope you're still at it. How about an update? Howya doin'??

    emoticon

    KB
    1454 days ago
  • LIGHTNINGRUNNER
    You don't need me to write hear again what I told you.

    But consider this statement You only FAIL iff you quit trying@@@
    1475 days ago
  • MNABOY
    You will reach your goals with perseverance
    1476 days ago
  • OOOMAC
    I'm convinced that sometimes we need to have a brief (note: BRIEF) pity party every once and a while. It reminds us of what discouragement feels like - and - how we don't like being there. I recall a time when I didn't recognize that I was having a pity party. Now, at least, I do and the time spent in the party is pretty short.
    1476 days ago
  • CAT125
    emoticon
    1478 days ago
  • POINTAFTER
    I agree it could be muscle. Don't just look at the scale; take measurements on a regular basis. How do your clothes look and feel?

    It ain't over unless you give up!
    1480 days ago
  • CAROLCRC
    If you have only fairly recently started the intensive workouts, you are probably gaining muscle. A 1-2 pound increase at the early stages of a serious workout program is really normal.

    10 lbs in a month says you have made serious changes! Hang in there!
    1480 days ago
  • 2BDYNAMIC
    This journey is all about YOUR success, your happiness and your well-being and if anybody has something other than that to say then shake the dust off and truck on and don't even listen to them or talk to them I don't care who they are!....... my mother always called me names and anything I tried she's had some sarcastic remark to make and up sermon on why I was not going to make it I do not call this person a friend let alone a mother example!...... prove her wrong but don't stress about it while you're doing it and according to Sparks they're not forgetting on those Skeels really often but using other benchmarks as a tool in other words are your close fitting better and are you feeling better remember we women are hormonal those scales record fluid like maybe perhaps before our menstrual cycles....... so many things to consider and no no no thousand times no you have not failed!......... if you need support that is fine that is why we are here and I for one am always glad to give support and pep somebody up there you have a great day and weekend!.......( and no I do not think you are having a pity party)
    1480 days ago
  • -POLEDANCEGIRL-
    You have been working hard and it shows in the loss. You are kicking those hormones butts! Keep it up. Dont worry about anyone else, this is about you and you only. Stay strong!

    BTW: I gained 1.2lbs today. I am going to focus and work even harder today to kick that 1.2 lbs in the butt.
    1480 days ago
  • SLIMMERJESSE
    The sooner you get your mother's voice out of your head, the happier your life will go. That statement from her was more about her, not you. But as children, we don't know that. You know yourself and that you are capable of anything. Congrats on your loss and continue onward.
    1480 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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