Through Thick and Thin
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Sparkfriends, you have been here through thick and thin. Darn it, I wish I wasn't in the THICK stage at the moment but I will conquer this and get back to lean, strong and healthy.
I am on Day 3. I've started over and over this past month just to give it all back with mindless, binge eating starting in at my Mom's on Thursday nights (she's the ice cream-sweets pusher, but to be honest there is a KMart in her town and their store brand of pretzel nuggets are just irresistible so I stop for those too). I have a big dessert with her and then start in on the bag of pretzels - late night while reading before bed. (I stay over one night a week since my dad passed away in Feb 2013.) The last two weeks I've purchased TWO bags because they tend to run out of the nuggets, but who am I kidding? I have eaten both bags by Saturday. Salty junk food has been my downfall, as well as too many pizza and chip nights.
This has to stop. I am at the stage where I am embarrassed to be at work because I've gained almost 40 pounds in the three years I've worked here and most of it very rapidly in the last year (16.5 lbs up in 5 months!). I am up three pant sizes and they are on the edge! GAH. I was at goal and maintained the most awesome weight for almost two years before I started to unravel. Lately, the unraveling has escalated. Sort of a "have on last hurrah because tomorrow - Monday - insert day is REALLY it!"
So Day 3. I've consumed healthy, whole food. Single-ingredient food. I've also exercised. I can't believe it but I am really working on the FitBit challenge that two Sparkfriends asked me to join. I've never done 10K steps before and have managed it two days in a row. I must keep exercising 30 minutes a day. And I HAVE to succeed this weekend. I thought about the pretzels when I was getting my beautiful, colorful, healthy lunch out of the fridge today at work and my mouth completely watered. I know there's something going on where I am eating to the bursting point. I mean, I can't possibly be hungry for food but I keep pushing it down the hatch. Getting heavier and heavier is not going to solve things, I will only feel worse.
It's going to take time but I have DONE THIS BEFORE! I've made it to goal and enjoyed the results. I will stay strong this time and figure out what's going on with me. I just can't allow myself this destructive eating anymore and I have to prove to myself that I can do it.