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Through Thick and Thin

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Sparkfriends, you have been here through thick and thin. Darn it, I wish I wasn't in the THICK stage at the moment but I will conquer this and get back to lean, strong and healthy.

I am on Day 3. I've started over and over this past month just to give it all back with mindless, binge eating starting in at my Mom's on Thursday nights (she's the ice cream-sweets pusher, but to be honest there is a KMart in her town and their store brand of pretzel nuggets are just irresistible so I stop for those too). I have a big dessert with her and then start in on the bag of pretzels - late night while reading before bed. (I stay over one night a week since my dad passed away in Feb 2013.) The last two weeks I've purchased TWO bags because they tend to run out of the nuggets, but who am I kidding? I have eaten both bags by Saturday. Salty junk food has been my downfall, as well as too many pizza and chip nights.

This has to stop. I am at the stage where I am embarrassed to be at work because I've gained almost 40 pounds in the three years I've worked here and most of it very rapidly in the last year (16.5 lbs up in 5 months!). I am up three pant sizes and they are on the edge! GAH. I was at goal and maintained the most awesome weight for almost two years before I started to unravel. Lately, the unraveling has escalated. Sort of a "have on last hurrah because tomorrow - Monday - insert day is REALLY it!"

So Day 3. I've consumed healthy, whole food. Single-ingredient food. I've also exercised. I can't believe it but I am really working on the FitBit challenge that two Sparkfriends asked me to join. I've never done 10K steps before and have managed it two days in a row. I must keep exercising 30 minutes a day. And I HAVE to succeed this weekend. I thought about the pretzels when I was getting my beautiful, colorful, healthy lunch out of the fridge today at work and my mouth completely watered. I know there's something going on where I am eating to the bursting point. I mean, I can't possibly be hungry for food but I keep pushing it down the hatch. Getting heavier and heavier is not going to solve things, I will only feel worse.

It's going to take time but I have DONE THIS BEFORE! I've made it to goal and enjoyed the results. I will stay strong this time and figure out what's going on with me. I just can't allow myself this destructive eating anymore and I have to prove to myself that I can do it.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ELLIE381
    We are all here to give help and support. You are strong. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1360 days ago
  • IFDEEVARUNS2
    You know you can do this! Think healthy. emoticon
    1363 days ago
  • KATHYD82
    Thank you for your post Melly! You say so eloquently many of the same things all of us feel, or have gone through. I have missed readying your blogs, a lot!! I wonder if the video blogs are not allowed anymore? I don't see them as being an option. Anyway, I think you may need to give up pretzels for the time being, they seem to be a trigger for you that you have trouble stopping, and well, they don't have much nutritional value either emoticon Can you have on hand some healthy crunchy things instead...good old veggies and a light yogurt dip? I have been working on resisting chocolate...my sweet tooth is having trouble with that! But I'm trying and doing better. I am so glad you are doing the fitbit challenge, it really helps you to plan in more steps if possible and the competition is nice!
    Keep posting Melly!! We are all here to cheer each other on! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1363 days ago
  • ROSEWAND
    Take a deep breath and give yourself a big hug.
    Shame is stressful; you can let it go. Most of
    us have been there. Lose lovely amounts of
    weight feeling powerful and on top of the world
    only to see it our successes vanish in a cloud
    of excessive eating.

    First things first: release your anger and shame.
    They will play tricks with your mind and encourage
    you to release the tension of feeling attacked with
    fat, salt, and, sugar which only leads to an endless
    cycle of binging and restraining.

    You have inner resources to resolve this dilemma
    that you do not even know you have!.
    May I suggest the book The Gabriel Method to help
    you find some of them. It offers among other things
    a new way to relate to your body and your weight.

    It changed everything for me. I lost sixty pounds
    and have maintained with relative ease for five and
    one half years with relative ease.

    Jon Gabriel, himself, lost and regained his way
    up to over 400 pounds until he figured out how
    to change his story to one of amazing success.

    He has been in maintenance for over a decade
    now and is teaching others to do the same. The
    secret of his method is to understand no matter
    how we try, if our bodies "believe" we need the
    fat to protect us (as when we are very stressed in
    our lives) it will add the fat back no matter how
    we resist. Our subconscious is far more powerful
    than our conscious mind.

    Once we start to unravel the secret of why our
    bodies want to hold on to fat, we can begin
    to shift our inner resistance to balance and
    harmony. An important part of this process
    is connecting with our unconscious with guided
    visualizations. He has a wonderful one for
    free on his website.

    There is far more to this process than will
    power and The Gabriel Method can be
    an important part of that if you choose.

    I will be happy to support you in any way if
    you would like. Please reach out to me.

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    1363 days ago
  • KRISZTA11
    emoticon to your determination and motivation to get back on track!

    Those pretzels and sweets sound like a big dose of simple carbs and sugar,
    and it is their nature to make you want to eat more.
    If you can hold on to your goal ans follow your plan, those cravings will diminish, weaker and weaker every day.
    emoticon
    1364 days ago
  • POPSY190
    emoticon On the never give up attitude! You have had a lot to deal with these last few years and stress can lead to over eating. I'm trying out being a mindful eater which seems to work - just as long as I remember to be mindful! :)
    1364 days ago
  • MUDDER91
    It is good to hear from you! But so sorry to hear what you have been going through. I know you can do it, I have seen you do it before!!!
    1364 days ago
  • 50YEARSAWIFE
    emoticon emoticon I love your attitude! You can do it.
    1364 days ago
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