Wednesday, January 27, 2016
For some reasons, neither my hubby, nor myself, slept well last night. I felt bad this morning, after packing his lunchbox and making his coffee, as he left to go to work this morning and I just went back to bed and snoozed until almost 9pm. I cannot function any more after sleepless nights, I get nauseated and my heart pounds. I just wish he had the luxury of being able to work with his body, the way that I do mine; listen to it and respond to its needs.
That's one of my "whys" for my AVON, a goal of making enough so that he can quit his job and me support us, through it. I think it's kind of cool that after 30 years of being married, I still like him being around, LOL. We get silly together, we laugh, we like a lot of the same things and then there are a lot of things we like that the other doesn't, so we are a good mix. Best of all, we are friends. I think that's why it works.
So, my day is off to a slow start. I opened up my computer and my first stop, as always now, was Spark. I added my breakfast nutrition, water and that solitary 1 minute of walking to the kitchen, letting dogs out, and back to my tracker. It's odd that such a paltry amount to somebody else could be such an effort for me, and such an achievement at the same time.
Becoming disabled really is a humbling experience. Being unable to do things that you did for years, without thinking, really makes you appreciate what you had. It's true, when they say "you don't know what you've got till it's gone!" I used to love to walk and dance, and can barely do the first now and the latter is just a memory. Arthritis and osteoporosis are evil enemies. They take prisoners and subject them to various tortures. The physical is well-known, but the mental aspect of their toll is largely ignored.
When I first became disabled, I lost a very large part of my self, without realising. I was working then and my employer was great about it, but I found myself sometimes needing to call in and say I was unable to work that day. Me! Miss, always early, always willing to work later if needed, Miss Reliable and Responsible ... all of a sudden Miss Not Coming To Work. I was 50, and had worked since I was 11, always gone over and above, never been lazy or tried to skate through a job, no matter what it was, and some I'd done had been pretty awful. My pride in my work, no matter what, was a big part of who I saw myself as ... except I hadn't realised that. Until I was no longer that person. It really did a number on my head. My self esteem went tumbling.
I'm thankful that I ended up with AVON in 2006, as I found that I could replace my lost self esteem with a new thing to be proud of, moving up the ladder of AVON success, achieving their incentives, being recognized at local and regional events. No small achievement that I am one of the top 10% of salespeople out of the 6 million that are worldwide, nor that I have grow, and am still growing a team that sold over 1/3 million dollars last year, when there are so many others who have no issues, who have't achieved any of that.
I didn't realise how much self esteem is a big deal. It doesn't seem to be until you LOSE it! Now I understand why so many feel disheartened or get depression. When I meet people like that, I try to encourage. To lift their spirits and let them know there is hope. To suggest they find a passion and develop it, something that gives them joy and fills that empty space, something they can be proud of. It's not a cure, but maybe in some small way, my words help. Just giving ourselves a new thing to feel good about. We all need to feel good about ourselves!
Well, my day beckons, things to do, people to talk to, gotta make those $$$, LOL, to pay the bills. Have an awesome Wednesday, my friends :)