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Moving forward...and upward

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

So, here I am. Updating again. Few and far between. Life isn't fair sometimes, you know? Stuff has been crazy lately. My divorce is final. I knew it was coming, but why it was so difficult to actually here that it was over....I have no idea. It hurt pretty bad. That was a rough day. Another rough day....yesterday when my ex told me he was getting a house with his girlfriend, the singer in his band. The girl he has been claiming all along he wasn't seeing. I'm seeing someone, so why would this bother me at all? Well, I really truly think I'm just angry that I feel like he lied to me. He made me feel like crap for moving on....he called me terrible, degrading names. He still insists that they haven't been dating long, although I find it difficult to believe he would be stupid enough to get a lease with someone he's been dating for such a short time. Also, I trusted him to stay by my side for the rest of our lives so it's hard to trust anything that he says. Personally, I'm glad he's seeing someone because I truly do want him to be happy. He is my child's father after all. I didn't love him for all these years for no reason. I still want his happiness.

All that being said, my new relationship is going well. We have rough patches as we figure each other out, but he is very big on communication. I am broken and he knows that. He's helping me figure out how to put myself back together. He knows it may not work, he knows it may be too soon for me, but he is there.

On to the weight, which is what this is supposed to be about. I had gained back all my weight and before the divorce I had lost about 20 pounds of that again. I have now gained 10 pounds back. I find I am completely unmotivated to get healthy. I'm eating terribly, I'm not exercising, and I'm as lazy as I've been in 10 years when I was heavily medicated for seizures. I have to figure this out. Quickly. I am hoping to reform some good habits. I keep saying I'm going to exercise, but I don't. I'd rather be hanging with my son. So, I'm going to start with blogging. I'd like to work up to blogging every weekday again. I like writing so this shouldn't be a huge problem, I just have to make the time.

Thanks for listening my lovelies, even though I have been a terrible spark friend.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Ah my beautiful friend, I saw your FB posts, and I gathered that something like this was going on.It had crossed my mind that John had actually got someone else, men rarely leave to be on their own, but whatever has happened, you have moved on, and seem in a happy if bemused place! I'm happy for you that at least the pain has stopped, and you have a chance at something else. The weight will take care of itself - once you truly get your strength back, you will be un ****ablewith. :-) Promise. I need to re-start. I am having a hell of a rough time. I'm away until Sunday night, starting then, year zero, operation wedding dress, no prisoners. Want to buddy up? x x
    1184 days ago
    I'm so glad you are back, and that things are going well, to a point.

    First, you know your gut is right, that your ex's denials are just denials for the sake of it. That is why it hurts. Even though you want him to be happy, it is still fresh that he hurt you and was at least imagining being with this person. He replaced you, and it hurts, whether or not you moved on. And he called you those names because he was hurt too. We are complicated creatures, and even though he moved out and on, I don't think he expected you to do so.

    As for the weight, it has been hard. You are a single mom now. You are doing everything you can, but sometimes, healthy eating takes a backseat. I know it has in the past for me, and I have nothing like this for an excuse. Small goals, my friend. Do your blog. As you blog, you will learn, as you learn you will start to change. You will get there!
    1184 days ago
  • JF4009
    Hang in there. You have lost the weight before and you can do it again. I have found that starting a streak of exercising for at least 10 minutes a day has resulted it a motivation to keep exercising, even if it is only 10 minutes. It's hard to overhaul diet and exercise all at once. Set a small goal and go from there. You can do it!
    1185 days ago
    I know the past months have been so very hard and very heartbreaking for you in so many ways. It is hard to trust again after your trust has been shattered. I am glad to see that things are moving forward for you and that you have someone in your life that is there with you at this time. emoticon
    1185 days ago
    I came back January 1st. I did notice you weren't here, and when I saw you blogged the first thing I thought was I bet she is divorced now. I think you are a vibrant woman. You will feel better and succeed at life. Wish you all the best wishes for you and your beautiful son!!! xoxox
    1185 days ago
    emoticon Wishing you the best.
    1185 days ago
    I've been where you are, and am sending you a big hug! One of Newton's Laws of Physics is that an object in motion tends to stay in motion, an object at rest tends to stay at rest. The best motivator is doing, so why not ride bikes with your son?
    1185 days ago
    I completely know how you feel. I've been there with all that you're going through. It's a tough journey, but I know that you will get through it. It seems you're on the right payh . Good luck!
    1185 days ago
    Good luck
    1185 days ago
    Thanks for sharing. Have a great day
    1185 days ago
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