Reining a horse : an allegory

Saturday, January 09, 2016

Yesterday at a meeting a guy used reining a horse as an allegory - his therapeut has told him that he would not ride a horse he did not know without keeping the reins very tight.

That gave me an epiphany - I used to be a riding instructor and before I went to USA to learn natural horsemanship I used the strategy above - a new horse I would ride with very tight reins until I knew the horse better. But after being to that basic course in natural horsemanship 1995 I changed my attitude - after that I asked the horse for permission before I mounted. That means that I observed the horse, because horses tell you a lot of things all the time if you care to watch and listen. And some days I would not ride at all, even though it was a horse that I had ridden many times before - but it told me loud and clear that it was jittery and not to be trusted that day...

And thanks to twelvestep program this is a strategy I use more and more with people nowadays. Instead of barging in and assuming that things are the way I think they are - I listen and try to understand where the other person is. One of the nicest compliments I ever got was from at friend of mine that has worked with me - she said: "Since you talk a lot one might suspect that you donĀ“t listen, but that is wrong, you really listen a lot and you make me feel that I have interesting things to say..."

I do love to listen to people that has something to say. Unfortunately that is not the case with everyone, but I have become a lot better not to judge too quickly, even when people jabber about kind of boring things, I do try to figure out what it really is about. And I will not tighten the reins and try to control them, I will live and let live...

I got another assignment yesterday - we had a meeting with theater and decided to give an easter play - easter is early this year, at the end of march and we (=I) am supposed to write the basic dialogue during next week... exciting! And hard!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    What a great blog! I always admire in others and try to cultivate in myself, allowing people to be who they are and not try to control them, but to look for ways to relate within that framework of who they are today. So yes, I liked this blog a lot!
    1783 days ago
    Great blog,Fits right in to my "40 days to greater awareness" (currently on day 6)
    Really some good advice, thank you. emoticon
    Good Luck with your writing.
    1783 days ago
    Great blog; I used to ride-my experience was starting with a tight rein caused the horse to fight it--I would too! I too learned a lot of listening skills in 12 step meetings. Plus, many other life skills that evolve from those steps. Controlling others is akin to that tight rein.

    I have known for sometime that my granddaughter has had a lot of turmoil in her life, trying to control things beyond her control and hasn't been sharing--which is fine; she needed time and experience. Yesterday I did share that I was aware of it if she wanted to talk, but it was OK if she didn't. Well, she shared and was relieved that I knew and she could. No we didn't solve anything but we both felt better and she continues to impress me with how strong she is; she's making wise decisions. She's GGS's mom and her choices impact his life, of course. He spends a lot of time with me. Trust and his safety are all of our concern.

    1784 days ago
    Thank you for sharing!
    1784 days ago
    Great blog! Thank you.
    1784 days ago
    1784 days ago
    Wonderful and thoughtful blog - one which I certainly can learn from. My worst failing is interrupting people when they are speaking so it was an excellent reminder.
    Makes me glad I'm back on Spark. Thank you.
    1784 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/9/2016 4:41:47 AM
    1784 days ago
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