Scale Reflections

Thursday, January 07, 2016

Well today is the end of week 1 of doing Whole30. I felt like I had a good week until Tuesday rolled around. I know that part of this 30 day experience is to stay of the scale for 30 days. Frankly I just can't do it! One, because I am part of a SP challenge that requires weekly weigh ins and two, I have a love/hate relationship with that damn thing and I just can't stay of it!! I am much better than I used to be. I used to weigh myself daily. Now I am truly just weighing once a week. Anyways, I gained a freakin pound. I know. I know. It's just a pound. It's not the end of the world. But this pound is one of the two pounds that I keep playing with and yo yoing with. I'm starting to get annoyed with myself. I'm tired of seeing the same 2 pounds over and over again.

I'm reflecting on the last week and realizing that I think I subconsciously sabotage myself. I was doing awesome-- up until Tuesday. Then, I'm eating things I shouldn't be eating, even when I'm not truly hungry. So I was awake for over 3 hours tonight with little man I asked myself why? Why do I do this? My answer was- comfort. I think I have a comfort in being this weight. Not a physical comfort because that's just not the case. But I think it's an emotional comfort to be this weight. I haven't been below 220 in at least 8 years if not longer than that. The lowest number I have seen in the last 15 years is probably 210ish. The last time I was below 200 was while I was pregnant with my first and he's almost 18 years old. Even then, I was in the 190s.

I'm rambling... I know! But I think I have an emotional comfort in being this weight. It keeps people from paying too much attention to me. It gives me something to constantly complain about, especially when I try to buy clothes. Part of me thinks that the hard part is not losing the weight but maintaining that loss once I got to where I wanted to be. Part of me knows that losing weight and maintaining is going to be a lifetime struggle. So why not keep doing what I'm doing and stay where I'm at then I don't have to worry about that struggle. Silly, I know!

I need to break my focus on the scale. That number is just a number. It doesn't define me. It shouldn't shape how my day plays out after I step on it. Yes I should continue to weigh myself to keep myself accountable and to know that I am making some progress in the right direction. But I do need to remember to take measurements and progress pictures. Because those measurements are the numbers that I need to focus on. Those are the ones that will truly depict how I'm doing on this journey. The progress pictures are visual of those measurements because who doesn't like a visual? Who doesn't want a before and after photo?

So here they are!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    LIked your blog and like you, I have practiced self sabotage. Change is difficult for many. I am sure that is why SP and others who are successful at reaching their goals say to start with baby steps. emoticon and we need to because we are worth it!
    1912 days ago
    You can do this. One day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. You are so right that it is hard to shake ourselves out of our comfort zones, even when those zones are really comfortable at all! In a Spark article, I read that it is wise to overvalue success and undervalue fails. I think that is very good advice. Keep going. We are all cheering for you!
    1920 days ago
    This article was in my email the other day...if you get a moment you should read may have already read it...but sometimes we need a reminder...

    1920 days ago
    I'm with ya on the lifelong struggle! It's true that losing weight is a long hard slog, but I'm looking forward to (finally) getting some control back over my body. No matter how slowly the weight comes off, and even with the ups-and-downs, in the long run it WILL come off as the changes you make begin to take effect. Keep up the great effort, including this important reflection shown in your blog!
    1920 days ago
    I can relate. I often find myself eating when I am bored or procrastinating and avoiding doing some task. Ultimately, most of it probably comes down to fear in some form or another.

    Have you tried keeping a journal to track your thoughts and what is going on when you move into sabotage mode? Have you negotiated a strategy around what you will do instead when you are tempted to eat when not hungry? (Like maybe 25 push-ups and wait an hour before eating...)
    1920 days ago
  • SHUGGY12
    keep consistent!
    1920 days ago
  • no profile photo CONNIE708
    You hang in there. I have the same feelings as you. It is hard to stay focused. I joined a gym and go today to have a trainer show me what equipment to use and how to use them. I lost 42 lbs previously but recently gained back over half of it. 😞
    1920 days ago
    Don't give up you're worth it.
    1920 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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