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I've been doing this for half a year

Monday, January 04, 2016

Well, it's the beginning of a new calendar year and I thought it was a good time to recap. I realized I've been doing this for six months. Holy s***! This is the longest I've stuck with a fitness program consistently in all my life. I wish I could say why this time has been different or better but I don't have a magic formula. I just know what my goal is and I get up every day knowing exercise will be in my day and that I need to watch what I eat.

When I started, I was in such despair emotionally over things that actually had nothing to do with my weight. My only child was flying away from the nest and I didn't know what I was going to do and I was untangling myself from an emotionally abusive relationship with a drug addict. At the time, I didn't realize how sad I was or even recognize my own despair. I also didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about it, which is rare for me. I'm pretty social but this just all felt too personal for me. The pain was too deep to even speak about it. Grief can do that to you. I just felt like nothing and adrift with no purpose. I didn't see anything about me that was worth anything. (also a symptom of grief)

Improving my health was a nice little project that gave me somewhere to channel all my emotions and occupy my time.

Then something happened. I started to look forward to my exercise and the much needed peace and solitude it brought me. The walks, and Zumba and boot camp became me time where I loved myself unconditionally. During those hours and hours of physical exertion, I was able to figure out who I was and to see my worth again. There really is something truly cathartic about physical activity.

The sadness is finally going away and every day I feel stronger. I don't miss my son all the time and that other relationship is just slowly fading from memory but I'm not quite over the hump yet. (Writing this blog, I find myself crying. I still have some healing to do.)

I hope I have another six months of this in my future. When I feel defeated or tired or the sadness and grief start eclipsing me again, I put my head down and keep pushing forward, some days slower than others.

One moment at a time. One step at a time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Congrats! You are doing a fantastic job and it sounds like you're grown a ton over the last six months!!! hugs!
    1199 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    One day and one moment at a time is right. The release that exercise gives has so many levels. Not only physical but emotional too. Some things are loud and fast and it's time where we don't have to think and can't dwell and be distracted. Other things are slower and quieter and give us a chance to work through things in our head without distraction. It's amazing how cathartic simply moving can be.

    1200 days ago
    Never give up, you are strong! You can always make things happen in your life.
    1200 days ago
    You said it step, one day at a time and before you know it you'll be saying it has been a year! Awesome work so far!
    1200 days ago
    Congrats on sticking it out for 6 months. I hope I can say the same in 6 months from now. I am shedding a tear with you, because I too am a new empty nester. It is not easy when we build our lives around our children, then how dare them grow up and leave us! Big hugs to you and I believe you will achieve your goal.
    1200 days ago
    That is six MONTH journey. Darn auto correct 😁
    1200 days ago
    You are certainly on the right path. You are learning to love yourself. Everything else stems from that. Congrats on your 6 math anniversary. I wish you continued success on your WL journey. πŸ‘πŸΎπŸ‘πŸΎ
    1200 days ago
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