Saturday, January 02, 2016
Ugh! So I've been doing good since the new year, but December I was on a diet of wine and chocolate with lots of meals out and not so much fitness. Today I got real and stepped on the scale! Yikes! It said 222... I haven't seen that number in years! Now, I retain water very easily, so I'm checking it again in a few days and expecting a much smaller number just due to loss of fluid retention from salty New Year's Eve dining (seriously, I can gain 10+ pounds from eating salty foods and magically lose it in less than 5 days-water retention)... So right this minute I have a choice: I can beat myself over a number or I can say "oh well, it's a good number to start at" and move on. I think the latter is the better choice.
Wednesday, I went for coffee (as friends) with a guy I haven't seen in two years and the first thing he said to me was "you got fat". It bothered me more that the words were rattling around in my head than that was his opinion of me. When I could zip size twos there were days that I thought "you're so fat". I want to love the skin I'm in. I am a 12, but it's a tight 12 this week. Fat is something I have, it's not something I am. I told him anyone that wants to date me is going to have to be okay with my weight fluctuating because it's a battle for me.
I'm just going to let this go and move forward.