Just checking in...
Wednesday, December 09, 2015
It's been about a month since I last logged in to Spark. I'm on a brief hiatus, and still doing great. November / December are so very busy (as they are for nearly everyone!), and I'm so close to my goals that I determined a brief break from daily tracking was in order.
I think about my priorities in life pretty often. Daily, even. My #1 goal hasn't changed since I was lucky enough to become a mom 10 years ago: My family. That stuff comes first (within reason)... before I can worry about other goals. And for a while, when they were toddlers and infants, it didn't leave much time for other priorities. (Especially working full time--which I consider part of taking care of my family.) I ended up failing whenever I tried to lose weight (usually because my schedule was insane and I was short on sleep and stressed out and everything needed my attention all the time)... and I ended up feeling like a big fat failure. Yuck.
Now that the pace of my life has slowed down a bit (more flexible work schedule, older, more self-sufficient kids, and husband who helps a lot more), I have had the room to actually invest the time and energy needed to have a priority #2. Yay!! For a year or so, I intentionally made that priority writing. (I was working on a book... which still isn't done.)
After a minor health scare (and after turning 40), I realized that priority #2 really needed to be my health. And so, after a few mis-fires, beginning in June I started to live that priority. And lo and behold, I am NOT a failure!
I am not a failure. My circumstances are still challenging. But not impossible.
I am even managing to add a priority #3 into the mix! Writing again. It's the last thing in a busy week I make time for--and many weeks I've not been able to get to it at all. But that's what my busy, joy-filled, crazy, sometimes stressful and horrible life is all about... just trying to find a balance that works.
When I let go of perfection as the goal, a lot of good things started happening. First and foremost, I stopped being my own worst critic!
Anyway... I'm learning (this is all still my first year of having SUCCEEDED and feeling in control of my weight for the first time EVER in my life)... that there are times when even priority #2 needs to take a backseat.
I am still weighing in a few times a week -- just to make sure I'm not gaining. (And I'm not! Much to my delight!)
I'm still actually about 10 pounds from my initial goal weight. And, if I'm totally honest, those are vanity pounds. I still think at some point I'll lose them (I'm thinking that January and February are cold and bleak here... and not nearly so busy... a great time to buckle down on training and eating clean)... but I don't honestly know if I'll maintain that loss permanently.
I am beginning to see my body as more of a system in flux. And there are going to be months when I'm in phenomenal training shape, and months when I'm a little schlubby. When I'm running more, the pounds drop off. But I don't want to be in hard core training mode continuously. I don't think that's particularly healthy. Nor do I think that a perfectly flat stomach is the measure of my success. It'd be fun to see if I can achieve it, perhaps. But if I'm totally honest with myself, eating at least some cheese and chocolate and other "treats" is MORE fun.
I don't want to let go of the commitment to balance and moderation that has worked so well for me. It's been an eye-opener, and a great, positive way to live my life.
I'm looking forward to logging my food again and using all the tools (and education and motivation) that Spark provides. But that won't be until the new year. Until then, happy holidays to you all!